Chapter 10
Change of plans. We will no longer have the
party. Bom will have her surgery earlier than what was originally scheduled.
She told me this when her Mom dropped her off to our house before we went
shopping for wigs. Her doctors will conduct the operation in Seoul General Hospital
where Bom will be cared for better. The change in the schedule was brought
about her fainting the other day and the head doctor, after examining and
getting the latest test results, suggested that they operate as soon as
possible.
Although Bom did not voice out her concerns
about it, I know that the added sense of urgency forebode something unpleasant
in the test results. She and her parents will fly out Sunday afternoon and the
surgery will be on Thursday, which is my birthday. Talk about timing, huh?
Since I can’t go with them to Seoul, I asked my
Mom if I can sleep over at Bom’s and she agreed. So my bestfriend and I had an
afternoon date where we had our nails done, watched a rom-com movie and ate all
the food our stomachs could hold. The movie and food were her treat since she
won’t be present on my birthday. That evening, while lying on her bed, I took
out the little box that I brought from my house after our date when we dropped
by to pick up my change of clothes. We then used my Vespa to drive over to
Bom’s house.
“What is this?” Bom asked, sitting up when I
handed it to her.
“Just some things to keep you occupied in the
hospital while you recuperate.” She will have to remain in the hospital for two
weeks after the surgery.
She excitedly opened the lid and took out what’s
inside one by one. I haphazardly added whatever I could get earlier in my room
so it was nothing much. There were 3 paperback romance novels, some CDs of our
favorite boy bands, a vintage purple bandanna which I found in a flea market
last week, a nail art kit with 2 different colored gel nail polishes which I
sneakily bought earlier, a picture frame of me and our friends taken last year
during our Christmas Ball party and a rolled up glossy map of Paris.
“Tokki …” Bom’s eyes are shining. I can tell
that she was touched by my gifts.
“So you’d better come back healthy, arrasseo?” I
bravely smiled. “We still need to meet those brothers in Paris.”
She laughed. “Arasseo. As long as I get the
cuter brother” Bom said.
“Did you forget? They’re supposed to be twins!”
“But I don’t want them to be too identical. How
else will we know which one of them we’re dating? I think it’ll be too weird.”
Bom arranged the things back in the box.
We talked until the wee hours of the morning of
our future plans and adventures and made up some funny stories about our twins.
Bom decided to name hers’ Pierre and mine is named Michel. We even named our
babies. We were giggling and talked the night away until Bom’s mom eventually
knocked on her door and asked us to go to sleep.
After a few minutes of silence, Bom called.
“Dara? Are you asleep?”
“Hmmm mmmm …” I moaned.
“In case … just in case the surgery doesn’t go
we-“
“Shut up” I interrupted in a stern voice. “The
surgery will be successful. You’ll come home tumor-free and will be the most
gorgeous bald chick ever. We’ll graduate, go to Paris and get married. That’s
the plan. Remember?”
Bom stayed silent and I could hear her sniffles.
I let her cry and I didn’t say anything else. I just wrapped my arms around her
until she fell asleep.
Chaerin was disappointed that we won’t have the
party she planned for but she understood why. We will just have a welcoming
party once Bom comes back from the hospital. Bom was calling everyday and she
said that she’s bored but she met a cute doctor intern so it makes her days a
bit happy.
Wednesday morning came and when I walked inside
the classroom, there’s a huge Kiiroitori plush doll sitting on my desk. There’s
also a greeting card propped beside it signed by my friends. Tomorrow is Bom’s
surgery so we are celebrating my birthday a day earlier. I was soooo happy
because it’s my favorite plushie and I was touched that they all chipped in to
buy this for me directly from Japan.
After school, I treated them to my favorite
pizza place and that was the only time Seunghyun knew about my birthday. I
invited him through a text message and he met me right outside our classroom.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he said with a frown.
“It’s no big deal.” I shrugged.
He looked at the Kiiroitori which I am hugging.
“Oh, this? It was given by the gang.”
He still looked put out for some reason. “I’ll
treat them to pizza. Come join us!” I smiled brightly.
He raked his fingers through his hair. “I can’t”
he said reluctantly. “Had I known, I wouldn’t have committed to doing some
extra hours today at the garage …”
My face fell. “Oh …”
Minzy, Chaerin, Taeyang, Seungri and the rest
were waiting so I signaled them to wait at the parking lot and I’ll meet them
there.
“So …” I was secretly thinking if I should ask
him to ditch work which would be too selfish but knowing he needed the money, I
didn’t. Still, I couldn’t help feeling disappointed and I know that it shows on
my face so I willed the corners of my mouth to curl up and smile.
“I’m sorry …”
“Don’t be” I said. “It’s fine. It’s no big
deal.” I waved away his apology, trying to make light of the situation. “There’s
always next year.” I joked.
“I’ll make it up to you” Seunghyun said. “How
about this Sunday? Just the two of us?”
My heart leaped up and raced. Ommo! Is it a date? It’s gotta be a date,
right? “What do you have in mind?”
He then shook his head and frowned. “Ah, no.
Forget Sunday” he muttered.
My heart felt painful and stopped beating. Great! I have been asked out and dumped
within the same minute!
I tried to salvage what was left of my pride.
“Okay” I said in an unaffected tone. “I gotta go. The gang’s waiting for me.” I
turned to leave but he held on to my arm.
“How about Saturday? I just remembered
Grandfather asked me to accompany him on an event Sunday.”
My heart felt alive again.
“I’ll pick you up at 3, okay? I’ll just ask Mr.
Yang to let me off early that day.”
I couldn’t trust my voice so I nodded.
“Great! It’s a date then” he smiled. “Come, I’ll
walk you to your friends.”
It’s a date. OMG! It’s a date!
I almost skipped on my way to the parking lot.
Early Thursday morning before I left the house
for school, Bom called before they wheeled her in the operating room. She sang
the happy birthday song over the phone and said the surgery will last for 6 to
10 hours and that she had her hair shaved yesterday afternoon. I asked her to
send a selca but she refused. I wished her good luck and that I’ll call
tonight. We both know that she’d probably still be under sedation by then and
wouldn’t be able to talk in a day or two but we ignored that fact. I gave her a
brief recount of the pizza party yesterday and then we said our goodbyes.
All day long at school, I and our friends were a
gloomy lot. We were all nervous for Bom but none of us voiced our fears. It was
that much scary for us.
I got home and procrastinated calling Bom’s
parents. They haven’t texted anything and I was literally shaking inside for
news of her surgery. Mom is still at work and I felt like I need her beside me
when I make the call. By 9PM, I was a nervous wreck. I could no longer wait for
Mother so I persuaded myself to be brave and dial the numbers of Aunty.
It rang for what seemed like forever until it
finally got answered by a hoarse voice.
“H-Hello, Aunty. This is Dara. How is Bom?”
There was silence and then “She’s sleeping right
now.”
I broke a smile. “Thank God!” I exclaimed. “How
was the operation? How soon can you leave and come home?” I asked excitedly.
Again, some silence.
“Aunt …?”
“Dara-ah …”
My heart started pounding really hard. Something
doesn’t sound right. Oh, God.
“The operation went well, right? They got the
tumor out, right?” My voice was strained, willing the words to be true.
“We are not going to tell her” Aunt is now
crying. “We are not going to tell her.”
“What are you saying?!” I did not bother with my
tone. “What do you mean?!”
“T-The doctors … they said that it was too
dangerous … the tumor … could damage her brain if they continued … didn’t get
it all out …” came Aunt’s broken sobs.
“No …” My legs turned to jelly and I slumped on
the floor. I was now crying with her.
“Listen, Dara.” It was now Bom’s father on the
phone. I can hear Aunt crying broken heartedly in the background. “We decided
to not tell the truth to Bom. We don’t want her to worry. Let’s just all
pretend that the surgery was successful. Let’s let her live her remaining days
happily, okay?”
I was shaking my head in denial and couldn’t
speak. I couldn’t accept the pronouncements I heard about my best friend’s
status and remaining days. What the eff is that?
“I hope you understand why we are doing this,
Dara. You’re the only one who knows the truth aside from us. We can trust you,
right?” Uncle’s voice was shaking.
I nodded. Realizing they can’t see me, I said.
“I-I understand …”
“Let’s do our best in making Bom happy, okay?
It’s the only –“ his breathe caught “it’s the only thing we can do …”
Again, I just silently nodded. I heard Bom’s mom
crying, “Bommie … my poor Bommie …”
I ended the call without saying anything else.
What can I say? What can anybody say to parents whose child is going to die?
************************************
Dear Diary,
Have you heard of the saying that ‘if you tell a
lie long enough, it becomes truth?’ How I wish this applies to my current
situation.
Last night, when Mom finally came home, I
pretended to have fallen asleep. With a secret so huge, I was afraid that if
she asked me right then, I’d have blurted the truth. So I waited and this
morning, when she asked about Bom’s surgery, I told her my rehearsed speech - that
it went fine and she’s now recuperating. I said the same thing today at school to
our friends and classmates, our teachers, the school nurse, to Principal Kang
and to Seunghyun. I’ve repeated the same words countless of times that they
almost ring true even to my ears.
You know another weird thing? I had a dream
about Daddy. I haven’t dreamt of him for years. I guess my subconscious mind
was still fixated on the subject of death. This made me think … you know, of
which is more painful? When my Daddy died, I didn’t speak or cry for a week. My
mind couldn’t accept that he was gone. I still remember that fateful day … that
morning, he dropped me off to school and gave me a kiss on the forehead,
promising his princess that he’ll bring home some new fishes for my aquarium
after their expedition … and then later, in the middle of my afternoon class, I
was driven to the hospital by our guidance counselor to be with my Mom. I’ve
hated hospitals since then.
Now, with Bom, we know what will eventually
happen. Will the acceptance be easier? I don’t think it will be. I think this
is more cruel, don’t you? Every day, you wake up knowing that you are now a day
nearer to the end … I guess I understand her parent’s logic into keeping the
truth from her.
But I also can’t help thinking, what if it was
me? Wouldn’t I like to know if I’m about to die? Wouldn’t that make me cherish
my remaining days more?
I remember we had an ethics debate on this
subject last year. I chose – To Know, thinking of my father’s abrupt passing.
Bom chose the other side. She mentioned something about happy oblivion … Could
that have been a prophesy of some sorts?
Aaarrgghhh!!!! I am over thinking things again …
I am doing the right thing, right, Dear Diary?
~xoxo
D~
************************************