Wednesday, March 12, 2014

On My Way To You - 1



Dara ~~ Goodbye’s the saddest word





♫♪ Somebody lied to me
It just can’t be
You can’t be gone forever…


Somebody got it wrong
You were gonna love me all my life ♫♪



I furiously wipe away the blinding tears with my right hand while the other hand holds a tight grip on the stirring wheel. I bite the skin at the back of my hand after, still wet from the salty tears, to try to stifle the sound of sobs I couldn’t contain anymore. I’ve been driving for what seem like hours away from Seoul. I have no destination in mind. I just wanted to get away … away from YG building. 


I’m a coward. Truthfully, I’ve been a coward for years. Love has made me into one. A coward and stupid.


I continue to drive aimlessly, not paying attention until an oncoming truck nearly collides with my car and I hit my forehead on the stirring wheel before the airbag did its job. The truck escapes the scene and my car is banked onto the ramp beside the road. I’m shaken and I feel a lump forming on the left side of my forehead but overall, I am fine. I think. 


Is this the universe telling me to wake up and gather my wits? Or my parents in heaven watching over me? Yeah, they’ve always shown me tough love even when they were alive. I swear, sometimes, I feel like my parents are always there guiding me even after all these years.


“I’m sorry … I’m sorry …” I say to no one. “I’m okay now … I’m gonna be okay …” 


I know that I am lying. My voice sounds doubtful but my hippie mother always said before that spoken words have power once you let them out into the universe. So I continue to say the chant that ‘I’m gonna be okay’  … hoping that the words will come true. Willing them to come true.





Flashback…




I am preparing for a photo shoot tomorrow for YG’s newest boy group, Winner. I am helping out as one of the senior stylists and I was on my way to the storage room where we keep most of the costumes and accessories when I heard two voices whispering inside the room. I recognized them as one is my friend and fellow senior stylist, Yoon, and the other is one of the new ones, Minzy, who trained under me.


I didn’t know that they are back. I thought that they will return in two days after attending a music festival with some YG artists in Tokyo. At least that’s what Jiyong said when I asked him when he’ll be back. Normally, I would have gone with them but YG sajangnim personally asked me to supervise Winner last month until their styling team can make it on their own.


I was about to announce my presence and surprise them but what I heard froze me on my feet.


“I still think we should tell unnie” that was Minzy.


“Dara will only get hurt.” countered Yoon.


“But still, don’t you think it’s unfair? Dara unnie is the most trusting person I know and I don’t think I can face her knowing what I know…” Minzy sounded upset. “I feel like I’m also betraying her.”


“Do you think this is easy for me? She’s one of my closest friends here and I’m hurting for her, too. I hope the great Kwon Jiyong will wake up and come to his senses. I just don’t want us to jump the gun, you know. This is not a new thing. In the end, he always comes back to her.”


“Does unnie know?” came Minzy’s shocked voice.


I didn’t hear Yoon’s answer but I can imagine her nodding her head. Everyone knows about Jiyong’s numerous indiscretions. But what Yoon said was true. He always comes back to me asking for forgiveness. I’m pitiful and stupid, I know, because I always take him back with open arms. But what can I do? I love him too much. 


Unwelcome tears fell on my cheeks and I continued to stay quiet.


“What if … what if he doesn’t come back to her this time?”


“Do you know how long I’ve wanted that to happen?” said Yoon. “I love Dara and I know that it’ll break her heart but I think that GD is bad for her. Their relationship is not healthy anymore. He’s the biggest jerk with the biggest ego. He thinks he’s all that and that he can away with anything.”


“He and the baddest female deserve each other then” declared Minzy. 


My heart started to pound. I’m almost afraid to hear the next words.


“The biggest bitch, more like” said Yoon. “And I thought that she was smart enough to make the right decision but it turns out that she was smart enough to play us all. I still can’t believe that she’d betray Dara like that after –“ Yoon trailed, seeing me. They are making their way out of the room.


I take note of their shocked faces.


“Dara …”


“Unnie …”


“What were you saying, Yoon?” I asked with a shaky voice. “What about CL and Jiyong?”


“Dara, listen …”


“No! Tell me” I moved away from Yoon who was trying to reach for me. “Tell me, please …”


“He doesn’t deserve you …” she began. 


I put a hand out to stop her. “Just tell me. What do you know?” Seeing Yoon hesitate, I turned to Minzy.


“I saw them.” Minzy said, teary eyed. “Yesterday, they decided to stay in Japan longer. We were all supposed to come back today. I heard them making plans together. She - … CL made GD promise that he’ll break up with you when they come back.”


My worst fear was confirmed. I’ve been suspecting for months now but I refused to believe that the girl who I saw grow up into a young lady and one who I treated like my own sister would betray me. I trusted her. I trusted them.


“No …” I whispered in denial. 


“I’m sorry, Dara. I was hoping that this is just another one of Jiyong’s flings but Chaerin is a sly bitch! Everyone tried to keep it from you but …”


“Everyone?” I asked, shocked. “Does everyone know?” Their silence was answer enough. 


“I think it started when they went to Paris last year.” Said Yoon. 


“Since then?!”


“I’m sorry. I thought it was harmless flirting because they were drunk but everything just escalated from then on.” Yoon went with them to attend Paris fashion week. I was sick that time so I couldn’t go.


I let out a bitter laugh. “So, they’ve been fooling around for that long, huh?” I was angry and hurt. This time, it’s different. All the others were strangers to me. Sure, the other girls were famous. Some were models, singers and actresses … but I knew of them only. This time, the betrayal seemed more real. And personal.  Chaerin was family.


Why her? 


Why him?


I ran out crying from that room which brought me to now. Still stupidly crying in my car.


I hear the song on the radio.



♫♪So I’m never gonna say goodbye
Say goodbye …
It’s something I can’t bring myself to do
Co’z as long as I don’t say goodbye
Darling, I know
A part of me will always be with you. ♫♪



Is it finally time to say goodbye?


Is 9 years of history not enough to hold us together? 


Is this the end, Ji?



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A/N:

I originally wanted to write this in Filipino and publish it in Wattpad. But then, I got too busy with work and I decided to scrap this but it won’t let me and haunted me til I gave in. So here it is.

This is less angstsy than the original draft and please be open minded. I am not hating on CL or GD on this fic. I just needed their roles to be like this.

If you have comments, suggestions or violent reactions, feel free to state your case below.


*bisous*
~mzbookworm4life



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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

You may not copy, reproduce, distribute, publish, modify, create derivative works, or in any way exploit any content of this story without a written consent from the author.

All rights reserved by mzbookworm4life. © March 2014.




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