SS - Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I don’t know about you but I’ve always imagined how my first kiss will be like. I imagined there would be rainbows and fireworks when it happens so I decided that it should be around sunset when the sun is barely illuminating the sky but bright enough to see the rainbow and dark enough to see the burst of colors of the fireworks. Fireflies would also encircle around us as well as butterflies and bubbles and unicorns … I know, I know … It doesn’t sound realistic but hey, it’s MY dream scenario, okay. So, back to my first kiss … In all my first 3 years in high school, there was only one guy who I imagined I’d be with when that happens. Lee Donghae. I joined the student council and the drama department because of him. Although we never had a scene together in any of our school plays, he was always gracious enough to be the leading man in all my dreams at night. 

I cried when he graduated and again when he left for Seoul. Bom thinks that I was a hopeless case. She wanted me to confess if I was going to act like the world ended but I couldn’t. How can I, when he has a beautiful girlfriend in the form of Yoona. How can I compete? I heard that they went to different universities and I take that as a sign for me to not lose hope. Next year, I will definitely go to Seoul University no matter what despite my bad grades and grow 5 inches taller and my bra size will be 2 cups bigger by that time. How all of that will happen, I still do not know. 

So now, it confuses me how I can even think of indirect kisses with this guy I barely know. I’m sorry Donghae-oppa, I mentally confessed. I didn’t mean to have impure thoughts. Forgive me …

I was distracted from the drama in my mind when I hear someone chuckling. My eyes began to focus on the guy in front of me and he’s looking at me like I was a clown or something. 

“So … welcome back” he says, amusement clear in his voice.

“Huh?”

“Where did your mind take you? To Mars?”

“Huh?” I know I’m sounding kinda stupid right now but I can’t think of anything else to say.

“I see you’re not completely back to Earth yet” he teased.

I feel myself blushing. Gosh, how long did I space out? Gathering my composure, I planned to say a retort and met his mirthful eyes. Bad move. I couldn’t stare away. He has such beautiful eyes, when they’re not shooting laser beams. 

“Errr…”

He raised both his thick eyebrows. “You’re going to say something …?” He licked his lower lip. Now, I can’t seem to take my eyes off his lips. 

Dugeun … dugeun … My heart beats abnormally fast.

Speak, Dara. Speak.

“I … I’ve got to go.” I said. I stand up and pick up my back pack. “I-Ive got to go to the library …” Is the library the only place I can think of?

He lifts one eyebrow. 

“I …uhm … it was nice seeing you again.” I turned and sprint towards the library building without waiting for his reply. Somehow, I imagine that his eyes are staring at my back and my heart beats faster.

That night, instead of Donghae-oppa, unexpectedly, I saw Seungheun in my dreams.

*******************

Dear Diary,

Remember the guy I met at the grove last Saturday? Well, it turns out that he transferred to my school. Small world, right? He’s pretty popular amongst the students but in a bad kinda way. Not that I believe the rumors about him … I still think he’s a good guy.

I talked to him for a short while during lunch and I ran into him twice in the hallway today. I don’t know why but I pretended not to see him. I feel bad thinking about it now. It’s just that … how can I explain this … I have this nagging feeling that I’m attracted to him. My heart, when I see him beats like a million drums. 

I am not exaggerating. 

Ottoke? Am I cheating on Donghae-oppa? 

I’m a nappeun gizibe. I thought that he was the one for me but I realize it now that I was just holding on to a fantasy ever since that day when he caught me when I slipped, back in freshman year and we looked into each other’s eyes. Try as I might now, I can’t seem to recall his face anymore. All I can see now are dark, deep set eyes with thick eyebrows.

What should I do, Dear Diary? Choi Seunghyun is constantly in my brain and I can’t shake him off. 

Le sigh. I need Bom. Only she can help me sort out my muddled brain.

~xoxo

D~

*******************************

It’s lunchtime once again and I excused myself from joining my friends at the cafeteria saying that I wasn’t finished with my research for my Mom. Making sure that no one sees me heading out in the opposite direction of the library, I head out to search for him.

I went to the acacia trees where I saw him yesterday during lunch. I walked until the last wooden table but he’s nowhere in sight. I was about to turn back when I see a trace of smoke from one of the trees and I walked tentatively towards it.

I see him with his eyes closed and his back is leaning on the tree, seemingly asleep except for the cigarette smoke coming out of his mouth.

“Smoking is not allowed inside the school premises, you know.” I said in a stern voice.

He opened his right eye and looked up in my direction. “Oh, it’s you.”

That’s it? Oh, it’s you. He wasn’t even surprised. He took a deep drag before he put the cigarette out. “What brings you here?” he asked, sitting up straighter.

I sat beside him. Good thing I decided to wear jeans today instead of a skirt or the newly cut grass will stain. “Nothing much,” I shrugged, acting nonchalant. “I just didn’t see you eating in the cafeteria so I thought of bringing you a sandwich.” I gave him one of the PB&J sandwiches that I made this morning. 

He stares at me and what I’m offering. “So, you’re talking to me now?” 

I knot my eyebrows in confusion.

“I thought you were pretending not to know me” he enlightened.

Was that what he thought I was doing? Admittedly, I purposely avoided him but not because I pretended not to know him. It was more of a self-preservation thing. I shake my head. “It’s not that …” I began. I wanted to explain but I couldn’t find the words.

“It’s fine” he dismissed. “All the students here seem to be afraid of me.” He takes the sandwich and bites into it. “Thanks.”

“I’m not afraid of you” I whisper but he hears me. 

He smiles. “I remember you telling me that I looked like a psycho, right?”

“You did look like a psycho back then.”

He laughs. It was a nice laugh. A deep, manly kind and I like it. “You haven’t made any friends yet?”

“A couple … in my class.”

“The two girls you asked out?” I blurted before I can stop myself. I tell you, my mouth has its own mind.

“Excuse me?” he looks confused. 

“I - Uhm … I heard that you asked two girls from your class to a date” I said, my voice getting smaller by the word.

He smirks. “What else did you hear?”

I hesitate. 

“C’mon. I can tell you’re dying to ask me about them …”

I bite my lower right lip. “They said that you robbed a 7-11 and that you were sent here to avoid juvy. Are you pure Korean? Coz I heard you’re father is a member of the Yakuza.”

He looks amused. “People are saying that?”

I nod. “I also heard that you got a teacher pregnant …”

This time, he gives a hearty laugh. “Wow! Really?!”

I told him two other rumors and by the time I’m finished, he says. “You seem to have heard a lot of rumors …”

“People talk, I listen” I defended. “So … is any of it true?”

He turns to look at me. “What do you think?”

I meet his eyes and tell him, “I still think you’re a good person.”

“I wish I share your confidence in me”, he says after a while, breaking our gaze.

We stayed there under the tree until we hear the bell ring, signaling the end of lunch break.

The next day, I didn’t see him during lunch even after I searched for him but he briefly stopped by my locker last period when we were let out to say goodbye. 

Today, Friday, I was assigned by the Vice Principal to prepare some things for the upcoming student elections next month so I didn’t get to spend lunch with my friends. I later heard through the grapevine that Seunghyun ditched his afternoon classes. 

***************************

It’s late in the afternoon now and the sun is covered with clouds. I can’t believe that the first week of classes is done. I let my friends leave me behind because I had to finish the SC task with a couple of last year’s officers. I am out the huge iron gates of the school when I hear a deep rumbling sound of a motorcycle. I looked at the guy in dark sunglasses astride a familiar red bike parked just outside the gates. 

I see his lips turn up when our eyes met.

As if pulled by a magnet, my feet walk toward him. “Hi” I said. 

“Hi” he greeted back.

“I didn’t see you at all at school today.”

“I had something important to take care of” patting his bike.

“I take it this …” glancing at his Ducati “is the something important?”

He smiles and reaches out behind him for a helmet. He hands it to me.

I turn it around in my hands, not knowing why he gave it to me. 

“Let’s take Monster for a ride” he says.

“Monster?”

“It’s the name of my baby.” I look at him caressing his red bike the same way as I caress Tamtam. 

I smile and my heart gave a leap. I feel excited and scared all at the same time. I hear the beat of a million drums again. 

He patted his backseat and wears his own helmet which is all black. Mine is red. 

“Hold on tight” he tells me once I was astride. 

I held on to his leather jacket.

“Tighter.”

I did.

“Aisht!” I hear him mumble inside his helmet. He takes both of my hands and circles them around his waist. I am now hugging him like a sloth hugs a tree.

“Don’t let go” he warns.

He revves up his engine and in a split second, we were flying. At least that’s what it felt and I was screaming my heart out like there’s no tomorrow.

This guy definitely has a death wish! I swear to God, if we survive this, I am definitely going to fulfill that wish. I held on as tight as I could. “Kyaaaa!!! I don’t want to die yet!!!!” I scream.  

If possible, he even went faster. I swear, I am going to kill him! “CHOI SEUNGHYUNNNN!!!!!” 

He laughs. The psycho guy is laughing! Can you believe that? I do not actually hear him given the helmets that we’re wearing and the noise all around but I feel his laughter. I am stuck on his back like a leech and I probably am cutting the blood circulation in his torso because I am hugging him so tightly. I want to make sure that when I fly off this motorcycle, I am going to take him with me. I feel his body shaking from his laughter. You know that kind? The one that comes from within you that your entire body is bubbling from happiness? That kind.

And somehow, I found myself laughing with him when I was just screaming earlier. What the …! He has infected me with his craziness. That’s the only sane conclusion I can come up with. Both of us have positively gone mental.