On My Way To You - 8

Seunghyun~~ The Crazy Girl Says We’re Broken

********************************************

When I finished until the last day Min Ah and I saw each other, Park was already teary eyed.

“That was so sad” she sniffed.

“I swear if you cry I’m going to my room,” I threatened and she instantly wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket.

“You should have fought for her and asked her to wait” came her unsolicited advice.

“You think I didn’t do that?” I said testily. “Did you think it was easy for me to kneel in front of her father and company president? I threw away my pride that time and begged like I never begged before” my voice breaks remembering how much of a blow it was for my self esteem to do that. I was a young man who thought that I was on top of the world. “I never felt as low as that moment … and the thing was, I believed them. Back then, I thought that debuting was good enough. But they made me see that I was just a nobody who didn’t deserve Min Ah. I wasn’t the best in rapping. Jiyong has that throne. I was disillusioned to think that announcing our love to the world was the most important thing. I didn’t think of the consequences.”

“Is that why you never released another album after your debut?” Park asked.

I nodded. “I lost confidence.” I admitted before I could stop myself. I never said that out loud before.

“I loved your album” Park consoled. “To be honest, Ji was pressured to write better songs after you released yours.”

I gave a mirthless laugh. “But I wasn’t good enough for her. I would have only caused her career damage. She was on her way to becoming a star while I was just an upstart and a rapper at that.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a rapper,” she defended.

I agree. There is nothing wrong with being a rapper. I was happy being one. Doing those underground battles and then finally debuting with the arguable the best management company -YG, it was all a dream come true for me. I thought that I was the king of the world. When I was told that I was unworthy, I crashed and burned big time.

“Was that the reason why you chose to be an actor instead?” Park asked.

For someone who looks clueless, Park was astute with her observation.

I gave a quiet nod. “I wanted to prove to them that I can and will make a name for myself …One that is worthy of her. If they think that being a rapper is not a respectable job, I wanted a fighting chance to stand on the same stage as her. I thought back then that if I became an actor, I’ll get the chance to see her more and maybe work with her. But it has been like, what, 4 -5 years? I still can’t seem to reach her level.”

“Don’t think like that,” Park admonished. “You’re YG’s top actor. Besides, with this movie ‘Commitment’ that’s coming out next month, I predict you’ll be ranked as an A list actor soon. You even have another movie lined up, right?”

“I don’t know.” Sighing in frustration, I hung my head down. “Until now, I still can’t believe that there are people who think I can act. I feel like such a huge fraud sometimes.”

“It’s because you have sexy eyes.” Park stated. “They look mysterious.”

I swiftly turned my head to look at her. “I can’t believe you’re complimenting me.”

“I’m just saying what I heard from people.” She reasoned with a shrug.

I rolled my eyes at her.

Park folded her legs to the side and leaned closer to me. “Remember Jennie Kim? The stylist who’s now working over at SM?”

“Yeah.” I remember Kim. She was annoying.

“She had the biggest crush on you. When she heard that you and Min Ah broke up, she threw a party. She waited patiently for your return thinking that she’ll be the one to fix your broken heart. Poor girl, she was terrified of you when you finally came back after your temporary hiatus. You were so distant and cold and very unapproachable back then. Jennie left with a broken heart.”

“It wasn’t my fault.” I defended.

“You were barking at every one.”

“I don’t even remember seeing that much of you back then. How would you know?”

“Duh!” Park snorted. “‘Coz I was smart enough to steer clear out of your way. I think you even got YG scared.”

I smirked. He wasn’t scared, that I was sure of. He was more like weary of me because I was so mad at the whole world that I was like a ticking time bomb. Good thing he sent me on a vacation to clear my head.

Park stretched out her skinny legs and I couldn’t help but compare the difference between the length of mine and hers, seeing them side by side. She really is small. She had both of her elbows resting on the sofa while I have mine crossed in front of my chest.

“How come you’re so short?” I blurted.

She cut her eyes at me briefly and then looked away. “That’s not a polite question.”

“Can you please tell me why you’re so small?” I rephrased, emphasizing on the word please.

“Yah!” She hit my shoulder, obviously peeved.

I pretended to nurse my shoulder. I was only trying to liven up the atmosphere … which is weird. I am usually the gloomy one.

“I am only trying to make conversation, you know.”

“Well, it’s my complex so don’t.”

“Which part? I mean everything about you is small” giving her a once over.

Her eyes widened and opened her mouth. She looked like she wanted to say something scathing but she closed her mouth again. She did that twice, making her look like a fish.

“How could you?” she moaned. “And to think that I was beginning to think were becoming friends.” She hid her face in her hands and pulled up her knees to her chest.

She was quietly sniffing.

I groaned. Not again. I hate seeing girls cry. I sincerely believe it was because my sister and my Mom conditioned me early on in life. They used tears as weapons, I tell ‘ya.

“Hey” I softly called. “Hey … look, I’m sorry … I didn’t mean to make you feel bad …” I hesitantly began patting her back ever so slightly.

She sniffed some more for a couple of minutes before she lifted her face again which has become red. I think she is still drunk. She looked terrible with her red rimmed eyes and messy hair.

“Are we okay now?” I asked quietly.

She refused to look at me.

“Friends?” I held out my right hand for her to shake.

She ignored me.

“Hey Park!”

She was still giving me the silent treatment.

“It’s not very polite to refuse an offer of friendship, you know.” I softly elbowed her side. I pointedly looked at her and then to my outstretched hand.

She rolled her eyes at me.

“You wanna be friends or not?”

“You won’t be mean to me anymore?”

“As long as you won’t be annoying.” I countered.

“Tch!” she made a sound, cutting her eyes at me.

“My offer expires in …” I looked at my wristwatch, “… in 5 seconds … five, four, three, t- “

She clasped my hand with hers and let go just as fast.

“You’re such a kid” she says.

“And you’re such a crybaby.”

“Well, if you were the one in a relationship for 9 years, you’d be too.” She said this with a sad smile.

What can I say to that? My relationship with Min Ah lasted for only seven months and I felt like shit when it ended. Imagine how much pain this girl has … it was almost like they were married. And to be cheated on that way …

“It’s his loss.” I consoled her.

“Gomawo, chinggu.” Came her grateful reply with droopy eyes. “Although, we’ve just been friends for a couple of minutes, you’re the first friend that I’ve made, post-break up that is.”

I didn’t know what to feel about that so I kept my silence. In all honesty, I don’t recall the last time when I’ve had this long of a conversation with another person.

“I just find it sad…” she laments. Sitting in a fetal position, she rested her temple on her knees and faced me.

“What is?” I asked.

“The way I define my life’s timeline …”

I crossed my legs but turned sideways to face her and propped one elbow on the sofa.

“It’s like when I tell the story of my life, my identifier is Jiyong. When I think about my memories, it used to be before I met Jiyong and then it became during Jiyong. Now, the new chapter is after Jiyong.” She gave a bitter laugh. “Doesn’t that sound pathetic? Even my life story is all about him.”

“Why don’t you start writing your own life story then?”

She gave an unladylike smirk. “Why do you think I wanted to resign in the first place? I wanted to get away,” she was gesturing with her skinny arms. “But nooo -  YG sajangnim will not let me go.” She sniffed and rested her head between her knees again. “I have to wait for 6 freaking months … 6 months of torture … 6 months of hell, 6 months of – “

“Okay. Okay, we get it.” I interrupted her. “If people would hear you, they’d think I’m some kind of a devil treating you so abominably.”

She began nodding her head, agreeing with me. “You were.”

“Are we back to that again?”

She contemplated for a bit and then said, “No. I’d rather we be friends. I’m sorry.” Her bottom lip was sticking out like a little kid.

This is the first time that a female staff will work as my manager and it surely is different from dealing with a male one. I have always been straightforward with my former manager but I never recalled that I’ve ever been this exasperated with him in all the years he has worked with me. Park, on the other hand, is something else. I don’t know if I should handle her with kid gloves or what. She is supposed to take care of me and my needs but it feels like I am catering to hers instead.

I sighed. She’s lucky that I still remember how it felt like to be broken hearted. For now, I will try to get along with her. “Friends, right.”

She flashed me a smile then like all is well with the world again. “Let’s try to work harmoniously for the next 6 months, my friend.” She held out her right hand for me to shake but she must have changed her mind halfway and instead, she sticks out her pinky.

I looked at her at her childish antics and ignored her pinky that she began wiggling in front of my face.

“Yah!” she prodded, coming up on her knees. She was persistent on making me do a pinky swear.

“Tch.” I hooked my pinky with hers and she made our thumbs connect.

She gave a lilting laugh. “Who would have thought?” She sat back down hugging her knees. “I came here thinking I’d have a hard time but instead, I gained a friend.”

I find myself returning her smile. “Are you that happy that we’re friends now?” I asked smugly.

She nodded slowly. “All of my friends are Ji’s friends. I used to know all of his friends, too, but not anymore. So I’m glad I made a friend of my own although you’re also probably friends with him.” Her face registered a brief frown at that.

“GD and I, we’re not exactly friends” I admitted. “We used to hang out back when we were trainees but that was 6 years ago and we’re more of acquaintances now.”

“Do you have friends?”

“What kind of question is that?” I was offended. Of course I have friends.

She shrugged. “It’s just that I seldom see you in YG and you almost never attend any of the company’s functions or parties.”

“I value my solitude.” I defended.

“You know what I think?” She has an earnest look on her face although her eyes were droopy.

“What?” I wearily asked.

“I think that you seem aloof and standoffish and a snob because you are afraid to be rejected again.” Came her diagnosis. “I remember you used to be playful together with Ji and Youngbae years ago. But then you became almost like a hermit and now I know why. Your aloofness became your defense mechanism.”

Wow. Just. Wow. I can’t believe this girl. Just because I agreed to be friends with her, she has now volunteered to psycho-analyze me? “I didn’t know that being my manager also means being my shrink.” I told her sarcastically.

She reached out her hand to me and began tapping me on the back slowly. “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me. I won’t tell anyone what’s wrong with you.”

“Bwoh?! Excuse me?” I moved out of her reach. “You think there’s something wrong with me?!”

She moved unsteadily but determinedly crawled to reach me. I was surprised she was now holding my face in both of her tiny hands. “Choi Senghyun” she slurred, “you don’t have to pretend when you’re with me. Besides, we’re on the same boat anyway. Birds of the same feather flock together, right?”

I removed her hands from my person and sat her back down. “You’re still drunk. You’re speaking nonsense.”

“Ani.” she shook her head adamantly. “I know what’s wrong with you.” She pointed. “You’re broken.”

“I’m what?”

“You’re broken.” she pronounced, then pointed to her heart. “I should know … I’m broken, too.”

********************************

A/N:

Who is Team Tabisan? I can see a lot of you are liking this pairing … BUT … I am not sure if this will be a tabisan ending … please don’t hate me?

The story’s barely started and I don’t even have all the main characters yet. Please be patient, okay?

So there … thank you for liking this story and I love it more when I read your comments.

Big thanks to all the new subscribers, commenters and upvoters. I really appreciate it!

Song for the day is the great Al Green’s How Can You Mend a Broken Heart? => https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PO6Rknx5xyI

If you have comments, suggestions or violent reactions, feel free to state your case below.

*bisous*

~mzbookworm4life