CH21- Surrender

Surrender

*****************************************

Dara’s POV

The radio plays softly as we weave through the nearly carless highway on our way somewhere outside of Seoul. Youngbae won’t tell me where we’re heading. He says it’s a surprise.

Once in a while, he would reach out and hold my left hand while he drives only using his right one. He would squeeze it gently and each time that he does, I can feel my heart clenching, too. I feel his warmth travel from my fingers all the way to my heart that I almost want to return the smiles that he throws my way.

I’m sure he’s noticed how tensed I am and my wide eyes reflect my fear and nervousness. Ever since my friends, Sunny and Suzy, dragged me into Youngbae’s car this morning, with my bags prepared by the two of them, I haven’t cracked a smile. There’s a voice at the back of my mind telling me that this is a big mistake. A big mistake. A big mistake. But I ignore this pesky voice. I want to trust this man sitting beside me with his heart on his sleeve. I want to believe one more time. One last time.

“Don’t think too much, Dara” he says and squeezes my hand again. “Let’s forget the world … This week; it’s just the two of us.” He brings my hand to his lips and gently kisses it. “Trust me?”

He looks so hopeful and sincere and a bit apprehensive of my answer, I think.

I squeeze his hand back and give him a brief smile. “I trust you.” And as I said those words, I knew that without a doubt, that they are true.

**************************

We arrived well past noon.

Youngbae says that this is their beach house. They rarely use it, he says. An old couple takes care of it. They were waiting when we arrived. All of our provisions for the whole week were already prepared. With respectful bows, they left soon after we arrived.

Youngbae takes my hand and we climb the stairs. We go into a room. “This is yours” he says, “Mine is right across.”

I take a look around. It’s simply decorated all in white and has a canopy bed. I see my bags beside a huge built- in cabinet.

Youngbae opens the sliding glass doors and motions me to come out to the balcony. “It’s facing the ocean” he smiles at me. “It has the best view.”

As soon as I stepped beside him, a gust of cool wind blows and I shuddered. He immediately wraps his arms around me. “We should have come when it’s summer. I hope you’re not disappointed?”

“No, of course not” I tell him reassuringly. “I love the beach the most, whatever the season.”

“I remember you mentioned that once. Too bad we can’t swim in the ocean but,” he gives me his eye smile, “we have a small pool which can be heated.”

“Sounds inviting.” I say.

“I’ll let you rest for a while and then we’ll explore the place okay?”

I nod.

He gives me a quick hug and a kiss on my temple before he leaves.

After taking a short nap and shower, I find him in the kitchen. It’s almost dinner time.

His eyes lit up when he sees me. “I was going to wake you up … Come, let’s eat.”

He draws a chair and lets me sit first.

The prepared food by the caretaker was excellent and after we finished everything, we lounged by the back terrace with red wine.

“We can still explore the beach” Youngbae says. “Tomorrow I’ll take you around town.”

“Sounds good to me.” I smile, content to just be here and enjoy nature and each other’s company.

After a while, we strolled along the shoreline until it was too dark to see anything. The moon is hidden by the clouds.

I couldn’t help yawning. Despite taking a nap, I was feeling drowsy. It may be due to the food and wine.

“Sleepy?”

I nod.

“Let’s call it a night then.” He takes my hand and walks me to my bedroom. “Goodnight Dara”

“Goodnight” I whisper. I was anticipating his move. Does he want me to invite him to my bed?

He gives me a quick peck on the cheek and leaves me alone in my room.

*************************************

The next 2 days were spent roaming around the little town and discovering new places to eat. Youngbae and I were riding around town with our mopeds with matching helmets. Mine was pink and his, red. It was all good fun and I discovered a lot about him and him about me. I think we talked about everything and anything under the sun. The more I get to know Bae, the more that I like him. But the more that I do, the bigger the fear inside me grows.

I get up and go out because I couldn’t sleep. It’s our third night here and I am feeling restless. My demons are whispering in my ear reminding of all my fears and insecurities. I am feeling my resolve crumble. I have tried all these years to pretend that I don’t care and that I’ll be fine and I don’t need anyone except my brother. I was okay with that. But now … I’m not so sure anymore.

I walk down the beach and there’s a half-moon visible but barely any stars. It was cold and I’m glad that I brought with me a fleece blanket.

As I clear my thoughts, I came up with a conclusion. It’s just like what Youngbae said. It’s all or nothing. I either surrender to this or fight it. Fighting is laughable because I’m already here, aren’t I? I think that deep down; I already knew that I’ve lost the fight. I just hope that I won’t end up losing everything again. Last time that I gave it my all, I ended up with nothing.

I know I’m being redundant and too critical and over-thinking everything but I can’t help it. Only those who have experienced the kind of pain and loss that I had can understand.

I’ve decided. Once I jump on this ship, I will go down with it.

On my way back, I see Youngbae running towards me. He is barefoot with just his shorts and an A-shirt. He has a concerned look on his face.

“Where have you been?”

“I’m sorry.” I say. “I couldn’t sleep so I decided to walk around to clear my head.”

“You got me so worried and scared, Dara. I thought -” he seemed to struggle “… I thought that you left me …”

“Why would I do that?” I reach up to touch his face and walk into his arms. “I’ve decided …”

He’s looking at me intently. I held his gaze.

“I’ve decided to see where this leads us … I have my scars and demons Youngbae, I can’t promise that I won’t cause you grief in the future so be fairly warned. And if-,” he starts to say something but I put a finger on his lips, “if in the future you’ll wake up and finally realize that this is all a big mistake, I’ll have my heart prepared to be broken.” I smile up at him. But I really hope that that won’t ever happen …

“That will never happen.” Bae raises his left hand and swear solemnly. “I, Dong Youngbae, will love Park Sandara for as long as I live.”

I laugh and he laughs with me.

“Aren’t we being a little cheesy?”

“Who cares? I like it” he says and gives me a quick kiss on the lips.

All of a sudden the playful air shifted and there’s a sudden sexual chemistry in the air.

“I would like to really kiss you right now” his words are as intense as his gaze at me.

“What’s stopping you?” was my breathless whisper.

He dips his head and gives me a long, passionate kiss and I was left panting when it ended.

“Bae, take me to bed.” I whisper to his ear.

He takes a second to look at me. “Are you sure?”

I nod.

He breaks into a wide smile and he didn’t give me any warning as he pulls me up into his arms so I instinctively wrapped my arms around his nape and my legs around his hips.

We were laughing and kissing all the way up the porch and into the house.

The fleece blanket was left somewhere on the beach and I got his shirt off before we got inside. My nightgown was caught in my arms by the time we reached his room and he helped me get it off.

When he gently laid me on the bed, he took his time to look at my nakedness. “You’re so f*cking beautiful” he said reverently.

“That’s the first time I heard you swear” I tease him. “Dirty talk in the bedroom, hmm?”

He shimmies out of his boxers and takes off the last of my undergarment. One thing’s for sure he is not shy about getting naked.

He starts kissing me all over.

I thought about teasing him about this being his first time but decided not to. He may lose this confidence and boldness. Honestly, I am liking this side of him.

“I’ve been dreaming of you forever …” he murmur on my skin as he continues to suck and lick from top to bottom.

My moans are my encouragement and signal and let him know that what he’s doing is right.

I tried to touch him but he moves my hand away. “Later” he tells me. “I haven’t had my fill of you yet.”

Oh God! Where did he learn to do that? I buck as he found my center. Oh God!

“Youngbae” I pant, “I need you. I need you now!”

He teases me some more before he finally gives me what I want.

It was beautiful and explosive and I couldn’t remember the last time I ever felt this good. To think that I was prepared to teach him a thing or two about making love … turns out that he didn’t a lesson at all. Not at all.

“I love you. I love you. I love you” Youngbae is chanting as he reaches his climax.

I cradle his head on my chest and kissed him. I couldn’t say the words yet but I think that I already do.

That night, he showed me again and again just how much he loves me.

********************************

I found Youngbae hovering over me when I woke up the next morning.

“Good morning” he smiles and caresses my hair into place. He wears a satisfied grin on his face and I feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

“Morning” I mumble, suddenly all shy as his eyes stay gazing at me.

“Have I ever told you that I love you?”

A hundred times last night. I chuckle. “What is this? It’s too early …”

“Well, Miss Park, you’d better prepare yourself because you’ll be hearing ‘I love you’ from me anytime of the day.”

“Consider me warned.” I get up and wrap the sheets around me. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go take a shower. Meet you in the kitchen.”

“Or, we can take a shower together and then-“

I raise my palm to stop him. “You take a shower. I take a shower. Separately.”

He pouts.

I take a step forward and kiss him briefly.

“Last one to finish makes breakfast.” I dash out to my bedroom.

Of course I was the last one to finish but I see Youngbae already frying up some bacon and eggs.

I pour myself some coffee and take a seat on a stool by the kitchen counter island. “That smells heavenly.”

“Hungry?”

“I’m ravenous.”

“Eat up then” He serves me a plate and I dig in.

We ate in companionable silence, secretly stealing glances now and again. Now that we know each other intimately, I have become more aware of him and myself as well. I swear the air is sizzling of electricity.

“So, where are we going today? You mentioned a landmark that we must visit?”

“Um, actually, I’m thinking maybe we should stay in for today.”

“Oh?”

He nods. “Yeah. I mean, I can show you more of the house and may be take a tour of my room.”

“Oh? Is your room that interesting?”

“Definitely.” There’s a wicked gleam on his eyes. “Especially my bed.”

I chuckle.

“And afterwards, we can heat up the pool. I know I’ve mentioned it to you but we haven’t had the chance to use it. I think we can think of ways to make our home stay a lot of fun.” He winks at me suggestively and I laugh.

“Oh God, you’re turning into a pervert” I say.

“I know.” he agrees. “I guess years of hearing things from my friends certainly have their uses. You’ve met my friends, right?”

I roll my eyes. “Just don’t turn as slick as that Jiyong and we’ll be fine.” I warn him jokingly.

“I’ll only be slick with you. Speaking of which, how about we get on that tour now?” Youngbae’s brows are going up and down and he licks his lips in exaggeration.

I stick my tongue out.

“You’ll have to catch me first.” I bolt right out from the stool but I didn’t really run that fast.

I wanted to be caught anyway.

********************************

As it turned out, we didn’t leave the house for three days. I didn’t mind. I was more than happy taking a ‘tour’ around the house and on the beach with Youngbae.

I was almost sad that we had to go back to Seoul. But I’m a realist and I know that we can’t be holed up in this little world that we’ve created.

I have my friends and job to get back to.

And I need to call Seungri.

I also need to talk to Gummy.

I haven’t told Youngbae about my decision yet but I am planning on quitting Spider. I know I’ll never be worthy of him or his status but at least I am going to try and clean up my life and all its mess.

I know that Gummy will allow me to stay and work at the Black Widow café. Working at Lucky Seven though, I would have to talk to Youngbae about that. It’s not like it’s indecent to work there. It’s just performing. Besides, I love dancing and Seungri will graduate next month. I have to talk to him about that, too and see if he’s okay with it.

Before I know it, we are back and in front of my dinghy apartment. I notice a notice taped to the front door and read it.

“What is it?” Youngbae asks and he turns to read it himself when I fail to answer.

“What am I gonna do?” I whisper to no one. Where am I gonna go? The note says that everyone must vacate the building by Monday and that’s in 2 days. Two freaking days!

“Hey. Hey, don’t worry.” Bae is running his hands up and down my arm, comforting me. “I’ll help you find another place. Okay?”

“Okay.” I stop biting my nails. “How can we find an apartment in 2 days?”

“Don’t worry. I know a lot of people. Just wait a minute.” He turns to call somebody on the phone while I open the door and went inside.

I admit, the place looks ready to be demolished but it’s one that I can afford. Besides, it’s fairly accessible. I start stacking my books and arranging the little trinkets I’ve collected over the years. I notice my travel bag and managed a smile. At least, some of my clothes are already packed, I console myself.

Youngbae comes in after a while. “I’ve found a perfect place for you” he announces.

It was perfect all right. Too perfect.

“So, Mr. Lee said that it comes with all the furniture because the former owner had to leave for New York in a hurry. Isn’t that amazing?” Youngbae is enthusiastic.

“That’s right.” Mr. Lee, the real estate agent pipes in. “He went to New York. Said he was never coming back.”

I look at him. “I thought you said that it was a ‘she’ earlier?”

“Oh! Y-Yes. I forgot. I am thinking of this other client.”

“You have another client who is a ‘he’ who also went to New York in a hurry?”

“Errr …” Mr. Lee looks at Youngbae as if asking for help.

“Why don’t you prepare the papers Mr. Lee.” Bae ushers him to the door. “Dara and I will take a look around but we’ll definitely take it.”

“Thank you. Thank you.” He began bowing so fast I thought his back would break. “I’ll just get the deed and send them right back to you.”

As soon as the door closes, I stand with my arms crossed at Youngbae. “Who say’s I agreed to take this apartment?”

“Dara, babe” he envelops me in his arms, “this is perfect for you. It’s got 24-hour security, it’s new, you’ve got a great view of the city and it has two rooms. Didn’t you say your brother will move in with you after he graduates?”

We are standing by the floor to ceiling windows which has a magnificent view of Gangnam. We are on the 21^st floor of this new apartment complex that I will never be able to pay even if I work for 10 straight years.

“I can’t afford this.”

“I’m here.”

“What does that mean?” I release myself from his arms and face him.

“It means I’m here. I’m your boyfriend and it’s only natural that I’ll help my girlfriend.”

“What? You’re going to pay the rent for this?” I stretch my arms to encompass the hugeness of the apartment. I think the bathroom alone can fit my old room. “Is that it?”

“What’s wrong with that?” Youngbae returns, genuinely looking perplexed. “I want the best for you and I want to take care of you so I don’t see why I can’t do that.”

“Youngbae, that’s not how it works.”

“Then tell me. How do you want me to help you? Because I have a feeling that this has to do more with pride more than anything else.”

“That’s exactly the reason!” I cried. “I have so little left of my pride and I don’t want you to think any lesser of me.”

“You know that I don’t and I won’t.” He negates. “And I will never think any less of you if you accept my help. I love you. How can you think that I will view you differently just because I bought you an apartment? I just want to keep you safe and warm. It’s for purely selfish reason. So please, don’t think of it as me buying this for you. It’s more of for me. I’m buying it for my peace of mind.”

“I don’t know …” I shake my head. “It’s too much …”

“Maybe you can cook me dinner every day so we can eat together. What do you say?” he coaxes and pulls me to him. “I’d say that’s a fair exchange. Don’t you think?”

Picturing that scene in my head brought a smile to my face.

“C’mon babe.” He lifts my chin up and dives in for a kiss. A very convincing kiss.

*******************************

Author’s Note:

Finally we get some progress on their relationship! I’m sorry I can’t write a hot, steamy rated M scene. This is the best that I can do without feeling embarrassed. So, yeah.

I promise a longer update next time.

*bisous*

~mzbookworm4life