CH16- Her Past (Part 2)

Her Past (Part 2)

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I can see Youngbae’s shocked expression. Who wouldn’t? It was like a freaking scene from a makjang drama. If it was, I would have been smirking from the ridiculousness but it was my life and remembering that day still brings some pain.

I was beyond mortified that day. When I got over the shock of seeing and realizing that Siwon is the son of the Chairman, I was overwhelmed with feelings of shame. I tried to cover myself as fast as I could. Siwon got both of his hands on his face as if trying to deny what he’s seeing in front of him.

“Siwon, please let me explain” I pleaded. “It’s not what you think …”

“Then what the hell do you want me to think?!” he lashed out, glaring at me. “I came here to prove my mother wrong. I thought she was just talking crazy when she said … when she said …” Siwon was too consumed with emotions and tears were beginning to form in his eyes. “I didn’t want to believe her … How can you do this to me?” he sobbed.

“I can explain.” I stood up to reach him and grabbed both of his hands. “Please …” I got on my knees with tears clouding my sight.

“What the fuck is this?!” bellowed the Chairman. “Don’t tell me … is he the guy you were seeing behind my back?”

Siwon chuckled bitterly and flung my hands away. “I see my father knows about me” he said, looking down at me with piercing stare. “But when were you planning to me about him, huh? Was it your plan to keep me in the dark?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t plan to keep it from you. I-I didn’t want to lose you. I love you!”

“Love?!” he snickered. “Did you also plan to use me? Was my father’s money not enough?”

“No!” I denied. “I never asked anything from you. You know that. Please believe me … I can explain everything …”

“It’s too late” he pronounced. Siwon was looking at me like he didn’t know me. “I trusted you ... I loved you … How could you do this?”

I grabbed his leg seeing that he was going to walk away. “Please, Siwon … listen to me first …”

He kicked me with the leg that I was latching on and I was forced back and hit the glass table with the blow. “Do not ever touch me again! Mother was right. You’re nothing but a dirty whore!”

“That’s enough!” The Chairman interrupted. His face was red but he seemed to get over the initial shock of the drama that’s unfolding among us. “Leave us” he instructed, looking at me.

“No! Please tell him why I agreed to this” I told the Chairman. “I beg you … I love him …”

The Chairman’s face was taut and looked pained when I said that and it didn’t escape his son’s eyes.

“So, it’s true. Mother said that you asked for divorce so you can marry your whore. Do you love her that much to abandon your family?!” Siwon yelled and addressed his father for the first time since he barged into the room. “You were willing to leave us for her?” He then saw the documents on the table and particularly my passport that shows my photo.

“Don’t tell me you were also planning to go somewhere with him?” he accused me. “Was his offer better than mine?”

“You’re wrong … I never –“

“Never mind!” he didn’t let me finish. “I don’t wanna hear it. From now on, I don’t want to ever see your face again. We’re done! We’re done, you hear me?!”

“You and your bitch can both go to hell!” he turned to his father and left without bothering to close that door.

I could only sob and remain slumped on the floor. My strength has left me and even though I wanted to come after Siwon, I couldn’t force my legs to move. The Chairman on the other hand had the presence of mind to run after his son calling his name out, leaving me alone in the room.

I went to the hospital the next day and stayed kneeling outside the room of Siwon’s mother until I was forcibly thrown by the Chairman’s men. I didn’t bother going to school anymore even though it was the last week and graduations was coming up. I just wanted to talk to Siwon and explain everything and ask for forgiveness. I would wait for him day and night until I managed to catch him going home on the third night I stayed outside the hospital. I tried to explain everything all at once, as much as I could but the words fell on deaf ears. He never acknowledged me and was driven off by his driver. The fifth day, I managed to sneak inside the hospital and cornered him but all I got was a slap and he told me to get lost and that he regret that he ever knew me and that I was a disgusting whore. I felt then that I deserved all the hate that he was throwing at me. I did lie to him. I made him into this violent person who was so different from the sweet prince that I knew he was. It was my entire fault so I buried my pride and continued to beg and waited for him until after a week, his driver arrived at our house and handed me an envelope full of money. I was ordered to leave Busan and leave Siwon alone. He also conveyed that if I didn’t, my brother will be the casualty.

I got angry then. I was being driven off and my brother was being threatened. I tried to go to the hospital and return the money to Siwon but his father’s men prevented me from seeing him so I went to the Chairman’s office instead. I flung the money to his face and told him that I didn’t need it. It was foolish and arrogant of me then but had I known of the hardships that I had to go through once we left Busan, I would have kept the money even if it killed whatever’s left of my pride.

It was difficult starting from scratch. With the well being of my brother in mind, we travelled to Jeju to track down the last known relatives from Seungri’s mom’s side. Daesung was only a few months older than my brother so I figured he can look after him once he started going to regular school. He has a sister who was 2 years younger, Minzy. They used to come over when Omma was still alive but then moved to Jeju after she died. Daesung’s Omma was the sister of Omma and she hated our father that’s why they didn’t contact us again after her death. But Minzy never forgot to send birthday and Christmas cards so we knew where to find them. After I explained the situation that our father abandoned us and needed some place to stay, Aunt and Uncle were kind enough to take us in. I told them that only Seungri will stay and I’ll go to Seoul to find work to support his studies and may be getting the chance to study myself. My brother refused at first for us to separate but I got him to realize that this was the best decision for all of us and that we’ll be together again once he finishes high school.

Needless to say, it was a painful separation for the both us since that was the first time that we will be living apart. Seungri had been a witness to my endless crying sessions and he was the only one who kept me from depression. He wanted to beat Siwon up but of course, he really didn’t know what happened between us and his family so by accepting the fact that I will never be forgiven by Siwon and with the threat towards my brother, we left Busan immediately. My best friend in school Bom, was the only person I said goodbye to and I told her not to let my father know our whereabouts.

The next chapter in my life when I came to Seoul was another hell that I stupidly got myself into. I felt like since I already told Youngbae the beginning, might as well tell him everything. I continued with my story.

When I got to Seoul, everything was new. I didn’t know a soul and I was very scared and lonely. My spirit was still broken that time but I had to earn a living so I applied for whatever menial job is available. It was in one of my waitressing jobs in a nightclub where I met the Devil. He was sweet and very helpful at first and he managed to earn my trust within a couple of months. I badly needed somebody during that dark period in my life and he was there for me. He taught me everything I need to know in Seoul and got me various jobs since I told him that I have a brother to support. I believed and relied on him too much. Before I knew it, I moved in to his apartment after just 3 months of meeting him. He said that he was the only person that I need. I stupidly gobbled up all his bullshits and even tolerated his occasional violent outburst when he gets drunk. He would say that I was a nobody and I should be grateful to him that he took me in and such. I was left with no self esteem at all and I just accepted everything. I was too lonely and scared that I would always forgive him. The thing was he was the sweetest guy when he’s sober. Before long, he got me dancing into a strip club because it pays more money. I refused to strip all the way and he was okay with it. But whenever a customer gets too close, he would beat me up saying that I was a slut even though he got me the job. He was like a bi-polar person. At times, he would encourage me and tell me I was the most precious and even helped me get into a night college to fulfill my dreams of becoming a fashion designer. Other times, he would be mean and selfish and violent. On the fifth month of our relationship, I discovered that he was getting addicted to heroin and gambling. He started to steal money from me and when I refused to give him any, he would beat me black and blue. One time, he was desperate that he drugged me and I woke up in a hotel room with a Japanese guy. He started pimping me and I would always try to escape but he always finds me. The beatings got so bad that I one day found myself in the hospital. It was there where I met Gummy unnie. With her help, we managed to get a restraining order against the Devil and I got into counseling. It took a while for me to find myself again. Unnie said that it was a typical abused woman reaction that I went through. She said that she used to be the same way that’s why she wanted to help me.

In counseling, I learned to forgive myself. I had to repeatedly convince myself that it wasn’t my fault and I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. It took time but I eventually did it. That’s why I swore to myself that I’ll never let myself fall in love again. Love is my weakness and I can’t go through another hell again. I’d rather die first than fall in love the third time.

I finally stopped relating my life story to Youngbae and his face was very sympathetic. He didn’t say anything but just opened up his arms and beckoned me to come closer. When I refused to move, he came near me and enveloped me in a warm hug that I felt all my stress melting away. Before I knew it, I was crying on his shoulders. I cried for the injustices that I’ve gone through and the past heartbreaks. I cried for the unfulfilled dreams that I dreamt for me and my brother. Mostly, I cried for the girl that I once was.

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Author’s Note:

This is a depressing chapter. It could’ve been longer but I decided to just breeze through her past and I just felt like I needed to get this over and done with so the story can move forward. I promise, more action next chappies!

*bisous*

~mzbookworm4life