CH16- Her Past (Part 1)

Her Past (Part 1)

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*This is a repost ... I don't know why the one I uploaded last week went missing :(

Sandara sat as far away from Siwon as possible when she got on the backseat of his chauffer driven car. The entire drive was spent in utter silence until they reached Han River. When Siwon got off, Dara didn’t wait for him to open her door and walked away before Siwon reached the handle of her car door. He followed her as she walked towards the river where there are stone steps leading down to it. He signalled his men who were on the on the other car to remain and leave them alone.

 Dara has her arms folded and with a grim look on her face, whirled at him when she felt his presence. “You said you wanted to talk. So talk” she ordered. She was still angry at what happened at her place. She couldn’t believe that she almost forgave this man. But not anymore. Not after what they did to Youngbae.

  

“I’m sorry about what happened earlier” he began. “I just wanted to have a conversation with you … to explain what’s been happening in my life lately and what happened after we last saw each other.

“I’m no longer interested on whatever happened with your freaking life” she said with venom. “We’re done. You made that clear long ago.”

“That’s why I want to apologize. And I’ll apologize again and again until you’ll forgive me.”

“It’s difficult to forgive if you can’t forget.”

Siwon attempted to touch her hand but she moved away. “They’re dead Dara” he said after a while. “They died 6 months ago.”

Something inside her clench. Was it happiness, pity or relief? She doesn’t know how to take the news. Dara looked at Siwon and she can see his agonized face. She knows he’s hurting but she can’t find it in herself to comfort him.

Siwon was starting at Dara. Looking at her look at him with a blank face. “Mother intentionally drove the car into a cliff. She wanted to die with my father.” His breath was caught, remembering the pain when he heard the news while he was working in New York.

Still, Dara’s face remained impassive. “And you’re telling me this because?” she asked cruelly. “If you’re expecting some kind of sympathy from me, you’re greatly mistaken. I couldn’t care less about what happened to your parents.” She snickered insultingly, wanting to inflict more pain. “I’d dance on their grave if ever I come across it.”

Siwon can’t believe how the good girl he had known before had turned into a heartless woman. No, scratch that. He knew the reason. And he’s back to make everything right again, if she’ll let him.

“I don’t blame you if you feel that way. We … we ruined your life.”

“And now you’re back to ruin it more” she spat.

“No!” He held on to her hand tightly, although Dara desperately tried to make him let go. “I’m here to make it up to you. I realized how wrong it was for me to put the blame on you … it wasn’t your fault but I was too angry and a coward to face my parents … I should have fought for us … I’m sorry.” Siwon was on his knees. “I’d do anything to make up for everything.”

Sandara let out a mocking laugh. “You can’t do anything to make up for all the shit that I’ve gone through. If you want my forgiveness then you better let me go and leave me alone. Seeing you just makes me remember everything that I wanted to bury. Don’t look for me again. Don’t ever come to my workplace. Don’t ever come to my house. Don’t ever come back into my life!” With that, she gave a forceful tug to shake off Siwon’s hand on hers and walked away as fast as she can.

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Sandara reached her house and really surprised to see Youngbae waiting for her at the doorstep. “What are you doing here outside?” She ushered him inside where it’s considerably warmer. “Babo!” she scolded. “You’re hurt. You should have gone home …” Seeing the extent of his injuries on his face, she became instantly concerned. Purplish bruises can already be seen on his face, arms and his left eye is half closed. “Let’s go the hospital.”

Youngbae refused. “No, I’ll be fine now that you’re here.” He held Dara on both shoulders. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

“No. You’re the one hurt. Sit for a minute. Let me see what I can find.” She doesn’t have a first aid kit, just some anticeptic and alcohol. She started to clean Youngbae’s face as much as she can, mirroring his face every time he winces. “I’ll call Dongwook Oppa so he can pick you up,” she said afterwards.

“Don’t” he protested. “I’ll be fine. I am fine. They might come back and I don’t wanna leave you here alone.”

“He won’t. I already told him to leave me alone.”

“And you think he will listen to you?”

Dara just shrugged.

“Will you tell me what really happened between you two?”

Sandara thought about it. No one knows about what really happened to her life before she came to Seoul. Gummy, Sohee, Sunny and Suzy all knew about Sandara’s life after she came to the city but not the reason why she left Busan. Even her relatives and her beloved brother don’t know. Is she ready to share her past?

“It’s a long story …”

“We have all night” said Youngbae.

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They are sitting at a 90 degree angle from each other on her mattress. Dara’s back is against the wooden cabinet and Youngbae’s against the wall. They each have a couple of beers from her personal fridge. Sandara has already drunk half of her first can before she finally spoke. 

“I guess I should start from the beginning then …”

Dara’s POV

“I don’t remember what my real mother looked like. All I know was she died of cancer when I was three that’s why she left me with my father who already has a wife then. My father told me one time when he was drunk that I was a mistake and never should have been born. He said he never wanted me.”

I saw Youngbae’s eyes. “Don’t. Don’t look at me like that. I am not looking for sympathy and you better not think that I’m pitiful or I swear I won’t continue” I warned him.

He made a gesture with both hand signalling me that he won’t and to continue with my story.

I sighed and straightened my legs. “So, my father and I never really got along well but my stepmother was an amazing woman. She treated me like her own and she was my Omma. She was trying to get pregnant for the longest time but couldn’t until I came along. She said I brought her luck. My little brother, Seungri, was born soon after. But she was never the same after giving birth. She had a complication during pregnancy and had to stop working making my father resent the longer working hours he had to do to put food on the table. Omma used to work for a famous designer as a dressmaker so she sometimes accepted orders at home. I, in turn help her with household chores and in raising my brother.” I smiled remembering happy times.

“Those were the happy times. But one day when I was nine, Omma got really sick. The doctor said that it was pneumonia. Father rarely comes home then and I guess she was worried of the hospital expenses. She never recovered. When she died, father was drunk all throughout the funeral. He was not a good parent to both me and Seungri and would sometimes go on drinking binges and rage and hurt us for no reason. But I was too young then to do something about it. I wanted to run away but I couldn’t because of my brother who was also sickly. What we previously thought was just asthma turned out to be a heart condition. Apparently, he was born with a congenital valve disease. Blood is not pumping regularly into his heart and the valves gradually deteriorated until it became so severe he needed surgical intervention.”

“We already lost our house by then. When I was 16 and Seungri was twelve, our father became addicted with gambling and coupled with my brother’s medication, we were in debt. We then moved to an apartment that’s a little bigger than this. I thought that our father will then wake up and start a new life but I was wrong.” I gave a bitter laugh. “He became worse. He couldn’t beat Seungri so I became his punching bag whenever he came home drunk or lost in gambling. He wanted me to work so I can earn money and stop going to school but I didn’t. It was during this time when my brother’s heart condition worsened. I finally agreed to work at a club where my father owed money that summer. The owner, everybody called him The Chairman, was very kind to me. He owned a lot of establishments in Busan and is also known to operate a gambling then and is a loan shark. I remember that day when his men barged into our home, looking for my father. When they couldn’t find him, they took me and said that I’ll be the payment and brought me to The Chairman.”

“I was very afraid that time. I was afraid that I’ll be forced into prostitution or something. I very nearly was but The Chairman interfered and ordered me to work in the kitchens instead. I was really grateful to him then. I thought that at least he’s a decent human being. I thought that he understood my situation. I thought wrong.”

Youngbae was looking at me like he knew where the story was going. I continued on. “On my last year in high school, halfway to the semester, Seungri suffered a mild heart attack. There was no one I could turn to. Our father was rarely home and I was in a panic. So I came to him. I was afraid that that day would come but my brother’s life was more important.”

“I knew from the way he looked at me and the way he would sometimes touch me in inappropriate places when he sometimes asked me to clean his office that he wanted me in a sexual way. I knew it and still I couldn’t leave because he was generous with his money even giving me pay when my father owed him a lot. So that day, even though I knew I was stepping into hell, I did what I had to do.”

“The Chairman knew that I had nothing to offer him except myself. I told him that I’ll do anything he wants of me as long as my brother gets an operation. He asked me if I was ready to give him what he wants and I could only say yes. Any other answer would cost me my brother. That day, he gave me his conditions and I agreed to all of them. That day … I became his mistress.”

I wiped the tears from my eyes furiously. Darn. I didn’t want to cry but thinking of how pathetic I was begging him on my knees in his smoke filled office made me remember of how filthy I felt after. I glanced at Youngbae and he was looking grim. The empty beer can he’s holding is crushed to a pulp.

“But you know what?” I asked him. “I’d do the same thing again if I had to go back in time. Too bad, I wasn’t with my brother when he had his operation. The Chairman wanted to make sure that I’ll keep my promise, you see. So I had to sleep with him first before I could see my brother.”

“That son of a bitch!” Youngbae spat.

“Honestly, even though I wouldn’t change my decision then, I hated myself after that. I also hated our father for being the way he is. I hated the Chairman for taking advantage of my helplessness. I hated the world for being poor and I hated God for letting my brother get sick.”

“I hated everything but I could only blame myself. I couldn’t tell a soul about the deal I made. I came on my own consent. I couldn’t cry rape because I agreed to it.” I had to pause because the tears kept coming. Youngbae tried to come near me but I motioned him to stop. I don’t think I can handle another person’s touch right now. I was suddenly filled with memories of that man’s touch and how I wanted to scrub off my skin in the shower after he took my innocence.

“That’s enough, Dara” he said. “You don’t have to continue. I can tell this is all bringing you pain so …”

“I need to, Youngbae. I have to. I don’t think I want to stop now.”

He looked at me, all concerned. “If you’re sure ...”

After calming myself, I opened my second can of beer which is barely cold now but I didn’t mind. In the back of my mind, I wished that it was something stronger like soju or brandy. 

“My brother stayed in the hospital for a very long time and just when I thought that everything was going well, he contracted an infection on his 4^th month. I was so scared that time and I thought that I would lose him. I was crying at the hospital’s garden area, I didn’t even notice that it had started to rain, when I first met him.”

Flashback ….

I just received the news that Seungri had an infection and it might affect his recovery. I felt like breaking down from all the pressure from this latest hurdle, our father’s continued absence, coping up with school work and from the Chairman’s increasing demands from me.

I felt like falling apart and I needed some fresh air to clear my mind. My feet have taken me to the little garden at the back of the hospital. I sat on one of the benches away from most of the patients and their visitors roaming the area. Before I knew it, I was crying. I was letting my tears fall down my face on to my hands on my lap. I was crying from the unfairness of it all.

I was so depressed that time that I didn’t even notice that it had started to rain. I only noticed a pair of legs standing next to me and when I looked up, I saw him. He was standing next to the bench with his arms outstretched holding his jacket over my head. That’s when I noticed that it was raining because rain drops formed like little diamonds falling from his hair as he looked down at me. He smiled a small smile, tentative and unsure. I was embarrassed to be caught crying so I immediately stood up almost knocking his arms off.

I bowed at him. “I’m sorry.” I turned around and started to walk away only to realize that I’m going on the wrong direction so I retraced my steps and he was still standing there where I left him. When I passed by him, I bowed. “Gamsahabnida.”

I saw him again the following day and this time, he approached me. I was at the garden again, taking some alone time after seeing my brother, before I go see the Chairman. He sat beside me and offered coffee in a paper cup. He was holding two. I took it and said my thanks. 

“I’m Siwon.” He said. “Choi Siwon.”

“Park Sandara.”

He said my name as if testing it on his lips. “That’s an unusual name” he smiled at me. “Very pretty.”

I don’t know why but I blushed. Something in the way he looked at me made me confused if he was saying that my name is pretty or I was. 

“I’ve been seeing you here for about two weeks now” he told me. “Visiting a family member?”

“My brother.”

He nodded and I took a sip of my coffee while I secretly checked him out. He was handsome and dressed very nicely. I also remembered how tall he stood next me yesterday. “How about you?” I asked.

“My mother” he replied sadly.

We finished our coffee in silence although it wasn’t an uncomfortable one. After that day, we would meet at the garden around the same time, before the sun sets. We never had any verbal agreement but it was like an unspoken understanding and we soon became friends and I opened up about my brother’s condition and he shared that his mother is being treated for depression and alcoholism. 

The times I spent with Siwon made me forget about my problems for a little while. Each day after school, I would go straight to the hospital and after seeing my brother and once he’s asleep, I would then meet him at our garden. I knew he found me attractive and I revelled in all his attention. He made me feel carefree and happy again. Before long, we went out to dinners and movies. I did all these without letting the Chairman know, of course. I knew that he would be angry and I couldn’t imagine what he would have done if he found out. I was far gone in love with Siwon by then to care of the consequences. When he took me out on a picnic on a rare weekend where the Chairman was away on a business trip, Siwon didn’t have to ask me twice when he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was a whirlwind romance and we were drunk with the taste of first love. He was mine and I was his. He said that it was love at first sight for him. He became my everything then. He was my hope and my Prince. He had the habit of calling me his princess even though he knew that I was poor. He said he didn’t care and that he’ll take care of me and my brother after I graduate from high school. I knew he was rich but I never really asked. All I knew was he came back home from America where he was studying Business Management in New York but had to come home because of his Mom’s condition. He said that his Mother was getting better and better after getting detoxified although she was still depressed and refused to meet other people that’s why he hasn’t introduced me yet. He said that he doesn’t have a good relationship with his father so I said that makes the two of us. 

Pretty soon, our relationship got physical and he didn’t mind that I was no longer a virgin. He didn’t ask me about my past. With him, I learned not to detest sex. I knew I was playing with fire. I couldn’t bring myself to confess and tell Siwon about everything and my arrangement to finance my brother’s medical bill. I was also in a constant terror when the Chairman started having doubts on the longer hours in the hospital and weekend school projects and activities that I used as an excuse to spend time with Siwon. I became paranoid that he will send his men to follow me around. 

On the third month after I met Siwon, my brother finally got the permission to come home. I was happy, of course but this became a complication in our relationship since I wouldn’t have the excuse to meet him in the hospital anymore. Also, the Chairman, knowing that my brother has been discharged, got us a decent apartment which I refused. We still lived at our dingy apartment. I didn’t want to be indebted to him further since I was planning to break off our agreement after high school. In a month’s time, I will be free. 

Siwon said that he will make the arrangements for me and my brother so we can come with him to the US. He was planning to go back there to continue his studies since his mother was getting better as well. He and Seungri have met a few times and were getting along famously. I thought that everything will be alright then. I almost believed that I was living a fairy tale and that there was a happy ending waiting for me. I should have known that I was heading for disaster.

Siwon accepted my reasons that I was busy with school since it was the last month before graduation that’s why I seldom saw him and gave the same excuse to the Chairman. My brother Seungri was not aware of all the drama I was in and I intentionally kept him in the dark for fear of causing him stress. I came up with the lie that father was sending us the money for his hospital bills and the reason why he was away all the time was he was working on another province.

Our absentee father who would make rare appearances, readily adapted to the lie I created. He knew that I was playing the Chairman's mistress because of his gambling debt and Seungri but he didn’t care. He even had the gall to ask me for more money one time he went home and threatened to hurt me and expose my secret to everyone if I refused. I knew it was wrong to think ill of one’s parents but I swear to God I almost had him arrested that day. I think that the Chairman’s money generally kept him away from us. The Chairman once said that he gave him money so he would let us be.

Another complication happened when Siwon’s mother had a relapse. We thought that she was getting well but Siwon told me that he found her with slits on her wrists after one of his father’s occasional visits in the hospital. After that episode, he decided that he will take his mother with us to New York. A week after that, when his mother was well enough to talk to people, Siwon asked me to meet her. He said he needed us to form a bond and maybe I can help her get back on her feet again. I was nervous to say the least. I did my best to look presentable and worthy of her one and only son. 

When I arrived at the hospital, Siwon complimented me and greeted me with a usual kiss on the lips. He told me that I was cute, looking nervous and fidgety. With much trepidation, I followed him into him into his mother’s room. She was half sitting, half lying on the bed looking out her open window which overlooks the garden. She was beautiful and I can see where Siwon got his looks. 

“Mom” Siwon called but she didn’t give any indication that she heard him. “Mother” he repeated and lightly touched her arm and gave her a peck on the forehead. “Look who’s here … I brought my girlfriend with me” he said softly, with a smile at me. “Remember I was telling you about her? You said you wanted to meet her, right?”

I said my greetings, all formally with a bow. Once I straightened I found her eyes slowly focusing on mine. Very slowly, awareness came into those eyes and she sat up on her bed and pointed a finger at me. “You!” she shouted. 

Both Siwon and I were surprised by her action. Before we could react, she attempted to stand despite the IV hooked up on her arm and lunged herself at me. “You!” she was looking at me with crazy eyes. “You’re a whore! How dare you! How dare you!”

I was gripped with fear and surprise. I was immobilized by her words. Siwon, meanwhile grabbed his mother and tried to keep her in bed while pushing the button to call for help. 

“Calm down, mother. What’s wrong?”

“Son, listen to me. You can’t! You can’t be with that girl! She’s a whore!” She was trying to escape her son’s arms and was determined to reach me when three nurses and a doctor came in. “Let me go! Let me go!”

I heard the doctor order one of the nurses for a tranquilizer and Siwon’s mother went livid and fought like a wild animal. She managed to reach and grab me, scratching my left arm with her fingernails. “I won’t let you! You can’t! Leave my son alone!” she cried kicking now, as they strapped her to bed and injected her with a clear liquid. 

She started saying incoherent words and pretty soon fell asleep after. Siwon enveloped me in a hug, trying to apologize for his mother’s behaviour. “I think today is one of them bad days … I’m really sorry about this, Princess. Go home for now, okay? I’ll let you meet her again when I’m sure she’s okay.” He kissed my forehead and I nodded.

I had this gnawing fear inside me and I was confronted with the fact that I really was deceiving Siwon all this time. Will there ever be a time when I can tell him the truth about me? I was so afraid of losing him. I don’t think that I can take it if I do. He is the only thing that’s not tainted in my life.

I took my leave with a heavy heart and prayed that everything will be alright.

The next day, after spending the whole night gathering the courage to speak with the Chairman, I went to his main office downtown where he operates his biggest casino branch.

I had to end it with him. I was afraid of what he might do because he can be quite violent if he wants to. There were a couple of times before when he would slap me when he accused me of seeing other guys at school. Thank God he never suspected that I might be meeting someone at the hospital.

The men standing guard on his door knows me and after announcing my name, I was let in. The Chairman was sitting at his huge mahogany desk ruffling through some papers and motioned me to sit on the sofa on the corner of his office. He was a well built man and looked intimidating. Even after all the times I spent with him, he can still make me feel afraid. I was nervous, wringing my fingers, silently practicing the words I rehearsed last night.

“This is a first” he said in his deep voice. I have never visited him before on my own volition after that day when I made a deal with him. He stood up and walked towards me holding a brown envelope. He tried to kiss me but I averted my lips so it landed on the cheek instead. “I was going to ask you to see me at our apartment … good thing you showed up.” He was referring to what he called our “love nest”. 

This is it, Dara. I told myself. Tell him. “I have something important to say.” My voice was kinda shaky.

He sat beside and I scooted a bit away from him. “I have something to say, too” he said and handed me the envelope.

I hesitantly opened it and took out what’s inside. There were papers and documents, passports and plane tickets. My heart started hammering inside my chest. “W-What are these?” I asked after seeing my name and my brother’s on them.

“How would you like to study in London?”

My eyes grew wide. “What are you s-saying?” I put the contents of the envelope on the glass table in front us like they were venomous objects. 

He clears his throat and reached for both of my hands. “I’m saying, I’m going to send you to Europe to study and you can take your brother with you.”

“Are you … are you setting me free?” My voice was full of hope.

He laughed. “Set you free? Of course not, my little pet. I will be joining you there, of course. But I will still have to fly to Korea once in a while to attend my businesses.”

This is what I was afraid of. I had to say it now. It’s now or never. “I’m sorry but I can’t accept your offer.” I pulled back my hands and stood up. “I am here to finish our arrangement. Please let me go. I am thankful for all your help with my brother but he’s doing fine now and I want to …”

“Who are you to tell me we are finished?!” he thundered and grabbed me. “You are mine! You are mine; remember that and I will never let you go!” He started shaking me and I was already crying from fear and pain.

“Please, Chairman … I beg you …”

“NO!”

“Please …” I begged. “I’ll pay you all the money we owed … I promise I’ll find a way … just please, I don’t want to be in this kind of relationship any more …”

“You are mine Park Sandara.” He hissed menacingly. “Your brother’s life, I saved him don’t ever forget that. If I want to, I can take it away.”

Hearing his veiled threat, I began beating him on the chest but he was still gripping my arms tightly. “You son of a bitch! Don’t you dare lay a hand on my brother!”

“Then you’d better do as I say or else … I am a patient man, Sandara. I tried giving you everything … Is this the payment that you’ll give me after all my generosity? Or, is this because of that man?”

I was surprised by what he said and I stopped struggling. He gave an evil smirk. “What? Do you think that I won’t find out? One of my men saw you at the movies last week. Good thing he didn’t take a good look at the guy you are cheating me with or he’ll be dead by now.”

“No! Don’t hurt him!”

“Oh?! So you confess that you are having an affair behind my back, huh?” he growled and threw me on the sofa. He held my jaw and straddled me. “You listen, you bitch! I will never let you go. You will go to London like what I ordered and I will forget about your little infidelity.” He began kissing my face and I wanted to scream. “Feisty” he snickered. “I think I like this more than the submissive little girl act.” He began touching me all over and attempted to take off my clothes but I fought him. He slapped me on both cheeks but I didn’t back down. I fought back but he was way bigger than me and stronger. I tried to run away but he caught my shirt, almost ripping it in half. He laughed. “You can’t escape me, my pet.”

I started screaming but of course, his men won’t come to my rescue. He started to rip my clothes off as I was pinned on the sofa. My mind was trying to shut down everything. It was my defence mechanism each time we had sex. I’m sorry Siwon. I’m sorry. I was crying for my helplessness.

He was almost successful in getting me naked when we heard a loud commotion outside his door. We heard shouts and a thud on the door. The Chairman cursed and got off me, zipping his fly. In an instant, someone barged inside followed by his two men.

“I’m sorry, Chairman” one of the men said, bowing. “But your son was persistent in seeing you …”

“It’s okay. Let him go.” 

I somehow managed to cover myself up and looked at the scene in front of me. Color drained from my face and I felt like I stopped breathing. The man standing in front of us was the last person I wanted to see at that moment.

“D-Dara?”

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Author's Note:

Sorry, I didn't have time to proofread.

 

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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

You may not copy, reproduce, distribute, publish, modify, create derivative works, or in any way exploit any content of this story without a written consent from the author.

All rights reserved by Ms/Mzbookworm4life. © April 2013.