On My Way To You - 7

Seunghyun~~ Ghost of Lovers Past

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I was horrified when my new manager started bawling like a little kid. I thought we were just having a playful banter. For some reason, I liked seeing her annoyed face especially when she scrunches up her nose in irritation. I almost forgot that she’s a girl. I mean, I know that she’s a girl but all these years that I’ve known her, she has always been known as Jiyong’s secret girlfriend, at least,  for me. We never really had any interaction before other than the usual polite greetings.

Ever since I chose to concentrate on acting rather than pursue my musical career as a rapper, I’ve barely seen her or Jiyong. But I’ve always thought that they’re a solid couple … one that would last forever … So I was surprised when I heard that GD is now publicly dating Chaerin. I never really asked anybody from the company about what happened with them and we weren’t really that close in the first place. So when I saw Park that day inside YG sajangnim’s office, obviously abject to our president’s decision, I took offense. I thought she was objecting to being my manager and the thought of her break up with Jiyong didn’t even cross my mind at all that time.

But seeing her break down like this in front of me right now makes me feel like I’ve been a jerk. When she asked me if I had my heart broken before, I was surprised to find myself admitting that I have. I’ve never opened up about it to anyone. I was too hurt to share what really happened even to my Mom and noona. Seeing Park in pain reminds me of the past that I’ve painfully concealed and refused to revisit or even talk about.

She raised her eyebrows at me when I said my admission. Obviously, she wasn’t expecting my answer.

I stood up and she grabbed the end of my jacket. “Where are you going?” she asked, blinking up at me slowly, her eyes unfocused a bit.

I sighed. “I’m going to make us some coffee.” I then went to the kitchen but not before I picked up the gas lantern which I forgot to bring earlier when I was taken aback by her crying that I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water with only the bare illumination of the candles around the house as my guide. I hate being in the dark.

When I was done, I didn’t see Park where I left her. I put down the coffee cups on the small wooden table and went to the bedroom she’s assigned to. “Park?” I called but there was only silence. I knocked repeatedly. There was still no answer. “I’m coming in,” I announced but when I stepped into the room, there was no one inside.

I can hear the howling wind outside and I briefly thought that she could have gone out to get more rice wine so I immediately checked the living room but the tin kettle is still there. In the middle of debating on whether I’ll venture out and check to see if she went outside just in case she was too drunk to mistakenly go out in the rain, I heard the sound of a door being shut somewhere to my right, near my room.

Of course. Why didn’t I think of the bathroom?

She gave me a small smile. “I washed my face” she stated the obvious, with droplets of water still shining on her cheeks and forehead. She then sat on the floor, at the same space she was sitting on before and slumped heavily like an old lady complete with “Aigoo.”

I bit off the remark I wanted to say to her for making me unnecessarily worried, lest she accuse me of being mean again so I just sat down beside her with an equally audible sigh.

I handed her one of the coffee mugs and she murmured a small “Thank you.”

“Are you somber now?” I asked after she took a sip.

“Mmmm?” I can sense that she’s still not. “I- I’m sorry about my outburst earlier … I was just in a lot of pressure lately …” The redness of her face could be due to the alcohol or embarrassment.

“It’s fine” I waved away her apology, being the gracious guy I really am. “I understand.”

Again, she gave me a shy smile and she scrunched up her nose.

We silently sipped our coffee until a loud boom of thunder erupted outside making both of us jolt. We both let out nervous laughter when we recovered.

“It looks like the storm has finally made a landfall” I remarked. “We’re lucky if we make it out of here in 2 days.”

Park nodded. “A good thing that I was able to contact YG earlier this morning to tell them about our predicament.”

“I bet no one expected this… Who would’ve thought we’d get stuck in an island?”

Park shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know about you or the others but … I kinda like it.”

I raised my brows at her questioningly.

“Sometimes I feel like I wanna hide somewhere where I’ll be alone or maybe sleep for a hundred years or run away far, far away …”

“So why did you come back?”

She sighed. “I thought I was ready,” she said in a defeated tone.

“I ran away once, too.” I confessed.

She tilted her head towards me. “Tell me about her.”

I shook my head, refusing.

She raised one eyebrow high up. “Hey, it’s not fair! You know all about my story …”

“It’s not like it was a secret” I objected and I see her go wide eyed and hurt.

Her face was full of self-pity and a touch of anger. It really wasn’t difficult to analyze what she was thinking or feeling. This girl needs to learn how to mask her emotions.

Before I realized what she was doing, she has filled her empty coffee cup with makgeolli and drank it straight up before I managed to stop her.

“Yah! You’re not even sober yet!” I admonished, taking the coffee cup away from her.

She reaches for it but I hid it behind my back and there was no way that she can get it from me. Did I mention that she’s petite and has a body like a high school kid?

 “No.” I was resolute. She was persistent though and it looked funny how she was almost climbing on my lap and we were almost wrestling on the floor.

“I won’t tell you about her if you drink more makgeolli” I growled.

She stayed still and looked confused for a moment and when she probably realized what I meant, she promptly climbed off me and straightened her clothes and sat all prim and proper on the floor beside me, legs outstretched.

She looked like a kid expecting a bedtime story.

Running my fingers through my hair, I wondered where I should begin. Am I really doing this? Trust her my life story?

Park was a little impatient and asked, “Was it the model you’re secretly dating?’

“No,” I immediately denied. “We already broke up months ago.”

“Oh! I’m sorry …”

“Don’t be.”

“Was it a nasty break up?”

“No. Not really. She wanted to go public but I wasn’t ready and I wasn’t really sure if I really loved her …”

“What? How can you be in a relationship in the first place if you didn’t love her? Isn’t that being mean?” She looked disgusted. “Men!”

“Are you judging me?” I asked, a little bit irked.

She shook her head after a while and schooled her features. “No, I’m sorry. Please continue… I will pass no judgment … I promise.” She raised her right hand and crossed her heart. “Please go on …”

Smoothing out the crease between my brows, I leaned back on the sofa and spent maybe a minute or two thinking on where or how to begin. Never did I imagine that I’ll be sharing this to another person, lest one that I have always been awkward with.

“Let me make another guess,” said the impatient girl, looking a little drunk with a stupid smile on her face. “was it Shin Min Ah?”

My breath caught in my throat upon hearing her name. Shin Min Ah. “How – how did you know?”

“So it’s really her?” Park said with a satisfied grin and then her face reflected a concerned look. “That was years ago, right?”

It was. I nodded. She was not my first love but I fell for her the hardest. I was just starting out in the entertainment business when we met. I was training as a rapper when an opportunity to act as one of the supporting actors in a movie came and that’s when we met. She was an upcoming actress and she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. It was love at first sight for me. I fell hard and fast and I believed that she felt the same way for me too, back then.

“You must have really loved her” she remarked.

“I did,” I confirmed. “I was willing to give up everything for her.”

Park was nodding like she understands and I guess she does. I was a witness of how devoted she was to Jiyong. I was even sick of seeing how loving they were especially when Min Ah and I started having problems with our relationship. I couldn’t understand how Park managed to accept all the hateful messages and threats that the fans of Jiyong threw at her. When the dating rumor of me and Min Ah surfaced, she was so scared and I wanted to come out and announce it to the world that we are in love but Min Ah thought differently. When shit hit the fan and we broke up, I was a little envious of Jiyong’s relationship with his girlfriend who was willing to take all the bashings and the countless times GD was linked to other female celebrities and had to deny that he was dating anybody to the press.

I had hoped that Min Ah was strong to fight for our love, too. I wished that she stood by me and I was even willing to date in secret but she chose her career over me. It felt like my whole world crashed back then. It took a long time for me to recover.

“So, when you said that you don’t move on, you just get used to it …”Park trained her eyes on me, “you were speaking from experience?”

I reached for the nearly empty kettle and poured rice wine on my now empty mug and took a huge gulp.

“It must still hurt” she observed in a careful tone. “I’m sorry if you’re being reminded of your pain.” I kept on drinking and when I reached for the kettle again, Park was first to reach it and poured some makgeolli on my mug.

“Honestly, I remember that time when your dating rumor broke out. It was around the same time Jiyong and I considered going public,” she told me after settling back down on the floor. “I didn’t care really if we went public or not” she shrugged. “I was just going along with whatever Jiyong decided. During that time, together with the advice of the people in YG, he finally decided to keep us a secret. The fans back then weren’t as accepting as now. Plus, imagine Shin Min Ah was already a popular actress and very beautiful at that. If Jiyong admitted that I was his girlfriend, I would have gotten triple the hate that Min Ah got or more.” She made a show of shuddering, thinking if that scenario happened.

“Or, you could still be together now if you went public.” I decided to play the devil’s advocate.

She went pensive and shook her head after a while. “I doubt it.”

“What? Are you over him already?” I slightly teased.

She snorts. “I wish.”

We stayed in companiable silence for a few minutes with just the sound of the howling wind and rustling leaves of trees outside and rain.

“You do know that you haven’t properly told me your story, right?” She slightly elbowed my arm.

I gave an exaggerated sigh. And I told.

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A/N:

I feel like I’ve been neglecting my other fics so I’ll be updating Against All Odds first and then Sharing Seunghyun before I write another chapter for On My Way to You. Until then, I hope this suffice …

I also want to thank all the new subscribers, commenters and upvoters. I really appreciate it!

Song for the day is Missing You by 2NE1 => https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG0jlKdB1s0

If you have comments, suggestions or violent reactions, feel free to state your case below.

*bisous*

~mzbookworm4life