CH20- Brave

Brave

*****************************************

Sandara lay spread eagled on her thin mattress for over an hour upon waking staring at her dilapidated, water stained ceiling, trying to make out different patterns and shapes. She was doing this useless exercise to get her head out of the persistent, troublesome and confusing subject which is, or who is, Dong Youngbae.

When her mind started seeing Mohawks and abs and chinky eyes, she groaned out loud and trashed on her bed like a dying, wriggling worm until she was exhausted.

Sandara doesn’t want to think about Youngbae. She doesn’t want to remember all the words he said, his confession and of course, most of all, she doesn’t want to remember the kiss.

Her hand searched for a pillow and she put it over her face to let out another groan but all it did was make her remember the feel of Youngbae’s lips on hers and how he tenderly and thoroughly kissed her.

She was shocked to say the least when her brain finally registered what he did. When she started to protest, Bae used that opportunity to deepen the kiss and when his tongue touched hers, she felt an electric spark that went down her spine and all her protest dissolved into a soft moan and before she knew it, she was kissing him back just as eagerly and hard. It was a full blown make-out session right there at the darkened alley and she vaguely remembered when they briefly stopped to come up for air. The kiss only ended when an old lady passed them by and gently hit Youngbae with her cane on the butt and gently admonished them to take their business somewhere private.

Dara came to her senses and took a step back when Youngbae moved to reach for her again.

“No, don’t.” she said.

Youngbae frowned. “Dara …”

Dara shook her head. The impact of the kiss and her reaction to it was just registering in her brain and she started to be afraid. “Youngbae, that was a mistake.”

“How can you say that?” Youngbae’s face showed his hurt. “I love you. I have always been in love with you.”

In one swift move, he had Dara in his embrace as he confessed again and again that he loves her. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner but I don’t think I can live another day without letting you know …”

Dara pried his arms away and forcibly stepped back. “You can’t! You can’t love me …”

“These are my feelings and you can’t tell me what I can or can’t feel, Dara. I. LOVE. YOU.” He stressed the words out. “I can’t un-love you because God knows I tried during the time when I tried to stay away from you but I can’t … Being just friends with you is driving me crazy when all I want to show you how much I care … Please … let me show you just how much I can take care of you and love-“

“Stop!” Sandara interrupted. “Are you crazy? How can you say you love me? Don’t you remember what I am?”

“I don’t care” Bae replied passionately. “All I know is I love you. Please give me a chance …”

Sandara took a couple of step back to avoid Youngbae’s hands trying to reach for her. She shook her head determinedly. She steadied her heart and in a cool tone said, “It’s stated in the contract that you can’t fall in love with me. I guess this is goodbye then. It was nice working with you, Dong Youngbae. Next time we see each other, please pretend that you don’t know me.”

With that, she turned her back and continued climbing the concrete stairs.

But Youngbae was quick and in a few strides, he was standing in front of her again. “I can’t do that, Dara. I can’t pretend not to know you.”

“What do you want from me then?” Dara said in a cold, detached voice. “You want us to be friends?”

YB shook his head. “No, I don’t want that either. I don’t want us just to be friends-“

“Ooh, I get it” Dara said with a laugh, “you want us to be friends with benefits? Is that it?”

Youngbae’s eyes turned angry. “I want all, Dara! I want you! It’s all or nothing. I don’t want just your friendship. I can’t pretend to be your friend when I want to be more than that. I want a life with you. I want you for myself because you certainly already have me.” His eyes grew pleading. “You have all of me for the taking, Dara. Please give me a chance to prove my love for you … give US a chance …”

Dara refused to be swayed by Youngbae’s words. How many times has she heard those lines? Countless declarations of undying love from countless men she’s met and from the two failed relationships she’s had. No. She won’t be blinded by love again. She can’t risk her heart again. Not again.

“But I don’t want you” she replied cruelly. “I don’t want anything of what you offer m-“

“You’re lying.” This time, it was Youngbae who interrupted her. “You’re lying because I know that you want me too when you kissed me.”

Sandara laughed. “Just because I kissed you back you think that I want you, too? She snickered. “My dear, you still have a long way to go in this world. Don’t be so naïve. That was just purely physical reaction, nothing more. Let me give you an advice,” Dara said in a condescending tone, “lose your virginity to some girl and I’m sure you’ll forget about this crazy talk of love. What you feel right now is lust. You are mistaking lust for love.”

“You’re wrong.”

She arched a brow. “Am I? Perhaps …” she closed the gap between them “perhaps, you’d like to test out my theory?” She brought her forefinger up to trace Youngbae jaw down to his neck, his chest then past his navel … but she didn’t get farther because Youngbae caught her hand and brought it on top of his heart.

“Stop it, Dara.”

“Why? Things are just about to get interesting. Are you not confident that you can perform? You want me teach you?”

“Stop it.”

“Why? Did you suddenly remember that I’m damaged goods? I’m not good enough? You know, I can teach you a lot of tricks. After all, I was trained once to be a sex slave-“

Youngbae gripped both her arms and lightly shook her. “I said stop it. If you’re doing this to hurt me, you’re mistaken. I know that saying those words hurt you more so please stop … I am not after sex. You think, I waited this long if it was just about sex? I want a forever kind of love, Dara. I want a forever with you. I promise to make you happy.” He released her and brought one hand to his lips and kissed the inside of her palm tenderly.

Sandara pulled hand as if scalded. She has to be more cruel. “You should know that I don’t believe in that kind of bullshit. Forever? Love? Happiness?” she snickered. “Those words do not apply to me.”

“But they can and they will. Just give me a chance ...”

“This has gone on long enough. I’m tired. Goodbye, Youngbae.”

She tried to sidestep but Youngbae grabbed a hold of her wrist. “What are you afraid of?”

Sandara turned away from Youngbae’s searching eyes. “Look, just because I’m not interested means I’m afraid. Why can’t you get it through your thick head that we can’t be together?”

“You are afraid.” Youngbae insisted. “Then, give me 3 good reasons why we can’t be together?”

She faced him. “First, you’re a millionaire and I’m a pauper. I have no dreams of being a Cinderella. Second,” she held up two fingers, “you are an assignment and I don’t want to associate myself with a client. Third, you know too much of my past …”

“I gave you 3 chances but you gave the wrong answers” said Youngbae. “Do I care that you’re poor or about your past? I love you more because of them. Dara, all you said sounded like excuses to me.”

“You asked me and I gave you my reasons -”

“Excuses” YB reiterated. “You could have said that you don’t love me or even like me. But you didn’t.” He gave her a small, encouraging smile. “I know you’re afraid to love again. I understand that, believe me, I do. I’m afraid, too. But I’ve decided to dive in and see where this love leads us and I hope that you’ll take the risk, too. Please … for us …”

But Dara is afraid. She has a paralyzing fear of falling in love again. She looked at Youngbae in the eye and said, “There was never an us.”

With that, she pulled her hand and walked away.

“Sandara Park!”

Dara stopped walking but did not look back.

“I won’t give up on you. When you’re ready, just let me know … I’ll be waiting.”

Dara forced herself to take a step while tears started to fall on her face.

“Sandara Park!”

Again, her steps halted.

“Have a little courage! Don’t be afraid to claim the love and happiness that you deserve!”

Dara suppressed the sound of her crying and took 2 steps at a time and fled.

*******************************************

“I told you he’s in love with you!” Sohee exclaimed in a self-satisfied smirk.

Sandara needed someone to talk to so she went to her friend’s apartment and told the girls what happened.

“He can’t fall in love with me” Dara insisted. She had been telling herself that over and over.

“You know what? I’m getting tired of you putting yourself down” expressed Sunny with a frown. “The guy obviously loves you despite knowing what you do and he’s okay with it. Why aren’t you?”

“I agree with Sunny” Suzy said. “Unnie, Youngbae is a great guy. He’s kind, he’s handsome, he’s freaking rich and …”

“All the more reasons why he can’t” Dara wailed. “Now he’s saying he’s in love with me but for how long? One day, he’d wake up and realize that he’s wasted his time with me and leave me for some rich debutante like Krystal. His social circle will never accept me. I have nothing to offer him. I am nothing compared to him …”

“Youngbae’s right, you know” piped Sohee. “You are a coward, Sandara. Why don’t you take a chance?”

“You don’t understand” Dara cried in a broken voice. “I don’t think I can.”

Suzy immediately hugged her while Sunny rubbed her back and made soothing noises.

“Every time that I try to be happy, something bad happens. My past will forever haunt me and Youngbae doesn’t deserve someone like me. He’s everything that a girl could wish for while I …” she sniffed, “I’m tainted and dirty. Just thinking of the day when he’d realize just what kind of a person I am already breaks my heart.”

“But Dara, if you let Youngbae go, you’re breaking your heart either way. Deny it all you want but I think we all know that you’ve already fallen for him.” Sohee said over the computer. “Why don’t you try living for the present and forget about what might happen tomorrow? Give the poor guy a fighting chance. Who knows, he just might surprise you and really prove that there could be a forever for the both of you?”

“I don’t know” Dara hesitated. “I don’t think I can handle another broken heart.”

“Stop being pessimistic” said Sunny.

“You deserve to be happy, unnie” smile Suzy.

Youngbae’s words rang in her ears. “Have a little courage.”

Could she? Dare she?

*************************************

Sandara spent two miserable weeks debating with herself over the pros and cons of going into a relationship with Youngbae. It didn’t help that he never showed up at all making her miss him more. Instead, he sent her sweet messages day and night but never called. Dara started missing his voice. He also sent her one sunflower a day. She previously mentioned to him that she liked sunflowers the best. The flowers reminded her of his face when he smiles.

Dara knows that she’s fighting a losing battle.

Everyone around her are urging her to give Youngbae a chance. First her friends and then Dongwook and Byul, and then even Gummy.

Her frustration over her feelings kept mounting so when Sunny decided to treat them out for a night out, she readily agreed. Little did she know that her friends have conspired against her.

There inside an exclusive dance club, she found Youngbae dancing sexily with two women! She flashed her angry eyes towards Sunny who suddenly became busy with her fingernails while Suzzy downed her manhattan in one shot.

“You knew he’ll be here, didn’t you?” Sandara said. It was a rhetorical question.

“How could I know?” Sunny denied. “It’s not like I called him to tell him we’re here.”

“So you just randomly picked this club among all the clubs in Gangnam and chose this night to take us out?”

“Uh-huh” Sunny nodded. “Hey, Suzy! C’mon let’s dance.”

The two escaped hurriedly leaving Sandara to fume by herself. She saw her friends make their way to the mosh pit of undulating bodies not very far from where Youngbae was obviously having the time of his life sandwiched between boobs and butts of the two obviously surgically enhanced women.

Jealousy is a foreign emotion for Sandara and she doesn’t like the feeling of it. She downed two tubes of vodka consecutively then stood up and sashayed her way to the dance floor.

He’s willing to wait, huh? She thought. If this is how he’s willing to spend his time while waiting for her, then she’ll show him that she is playing his game.

Sandara confidently danced her way towards Youngbae but she never did acknowledge his presence or spared him a look. There were many eager men who wanted to grab her attention and she danced with wild abandon. She was careful to dance away from those who started to get handsy, though.

Soon, much sooner than she expected, she felt the pull of a possessive arm around her waist and she was face to face with Youngbae.

“Oh, hello there” Sandara purred. “I didn’t know you’re here.”

“I called Sunny and asked for their help. They suggested this place and advised me to make you jealous. There, happy?” he confessed.

Sandara wasn’t prepared for his honesty. She wiped the seductive look on her face and stopped dancing. Youngbae pulled her closer to him, though, as if afraid that she’ll escape.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to play games.” Bae admitted. “I only want your attention.”

“Now that you have it, what do you want to do with it?” Dara challenged but the vulnerability can be seen from her eyes.

The beginning of a smile can be seen on Youngbae’s lips. “Come away with me. Let’s go on a vacation … just the two of us …”

Dara hesitated.

Youngbae kissed her forehead. “Please say yes?”

Dara breathed a sigh of surrender. “Yes.”

*******************************

Author’s Note:

An update for Taeyang’s amazing album! I have it on repeat on my iPod.

Isn’t he perfect? I still prefer his former hairstyle, though, but he’s still sexy as ever!

In celebration, Dara and Youngbae are finally going to be together! Yey! Sexy times ahead? O_o

I’ve got a few roadblocks planned up my sleeve so watch out!

Follow me on Wattpad!

Until next time! (It’s 3 in the morning so I didn’t get to proofread this.)

*bisous*

~mzbookworm4life