Do you know what the hardest part in
moving on is?
It’s the memories.
Traitorous memories.
Especially when you have 9 years
worth of them.
Remembering memories suck. Or a
bitch. A sucky bitch.
Everything sucks after a break-up.
You know that song ‘Breakeven’?
♪♫ What am I gonna do when
the best part of me is always you?
What am I gonna say when I’m all
choked and you’re okay?
I’m falling to pieces… I’m falling to
pieces …Falling to pieces….♪♫
Just when you thought that you’re
finally okay, the memories sneak up on you when you least expect them. They
come when you’re in your most unguarded moments. And just like that, you fall
into pieces… again.
Like when you just woke up and your hand
immediately reaches out towards the other side of the bed, expecting a warm
body next to yours and then you find nothing? And then your heart breaks all
over again, slapped with the reality that he’s gone.
Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of
the night hearing melodies or humming … ghosts
of memories past. I used to stand and go to the other room he used as a
temporary studio fully knowing that he won’t be there but I still go and check
anyway just to torture myself. I used to hold on to the memories of him even
though they only cause me pain.
Sometimes, I imagine him waking me up
in the wee hours as he excitedly tells me that he completed a song. He would
make me listen and it wouldn’t matter if I’m still sleepy or tired, I will
always indulge him and praise him and reaffirm his position as the genius of
the music world of his generation.
And just now, I finished cooking my
favorite ramen and as I placed the steaming tin pot on the table, he’s there in
front of me. I see him snatching the lid just as I am about to reach for it. He
flashes me his gummy smile and scoops up some noodles before I do. This has
always been a game for us. I would pretend to be angry as we would fight over
my favorite food. But really, I would always let him win because I love him
infinitely times more than ramen.
And just like that, my imagination
ends and he’s gone. I would once again be reminded that he’s really not here.
He’s gone. Unbidden tears mingle with the salty soup and I pretend that I’m not
really crying and ignore the flowing tears. I refuse to acknowledge the tears
by wiping them away. I eat, and pray, and hope that I would survive another day
without him.
Because really, memories suck.
But love sucks infinitely more.
******************************************
A/N:
I forgot I wrote a Prologue when I
posted Chapter 1 last night.
Btw, this fic is heavily influenced
by songs. The plot was actually born while I was listening to the radio on my
way home, in the wee hours of the morning. The songs kinda merged together and
voila, I got this crazy plot in my head.
I can’t wait to write this down but I
can’t update regularly due to my workload so I hope you’ll understand. Plus, I
still have 2 ongoing fics! I promise I’ll finish all of them.
*bisous*
~mzbookworm4life
**************************
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters,
places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are
used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons,
living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
You may not copy, reproduce, distribute, publish,
modify, create derivative works, or in any way exploit any content of this
story without a written consent from the author.
All rights reserved by mzbookworm4life. © March
2014.
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