Dara~~ Coz I was good
to you
******************************
Has it
really been two weeks since I refused to step out of my apartment? Yoon and
Minzy have knocked on my door for countless of times. I think Youngbae comes
everyday but I let no one in. I turned off my phone after my exchange with YG
sajangnim. I sent him a text message informing him that I resign the following
day after Ji’s things were taken. He called immediately soon after but I didn’t
pick it up. I didn’t have the confidence to talk to our company president. I
know that he knew about their affair. I doubt anything escapes him. It must be
the reason why he assigned me to other artists. I’m still figuring out if I’m
going to be angry at him for that.
Four days
after Ji walked out, it seems like all of the people inside YG who knew of our
relationship has either called or sent me messages. I ignored all of them.
I
eventually ran out of food. Even the ones I never thought I’d eat, I’ve
consumed. I have always been a stress eater. It made me laugh briefly after
thinking that I didn’t want to be found dead inside my apartment of hunger
instead of heartache so I went out in my pyjamas, wearing my dark sunglasses.
People were giving me weird looks but I ignored them.
I filled
my cart once again for a month’s supply this time around.
I was
taken by surprise when I got out of my car when a pair of hands snatched the
shopping bags that I was getting out of the trunk. It was Youngbae.
“What are
you doing?!” I attempted to take the bags back.
“You
finally went out of your hole” he commented and proceeded to take more bags
from my car.
I had no
choice but to let him. I didn’t want to make numerous trips anyway. I followed
him as he walked ahead of me in the direction of my apartment.
I stopped
him when we reached my door. “You can just leave those here. I’ll bring them
in.”
“C’mon
Dara. You hurt my feelings. Is this how you thank a friend?” he teased.
“Are you?”
I faced him. “You’re more of his friend than mine.”
He lost
his eye smile and became serious. “You know I’m your friend, too.” He looked and
sounded hurt.
This is
the reason why I refused to see and talk to everyone. Being locked up in days
with nothing to do but cry makes you think and rationalize everything. All of
the friends I made over the years Jiyong and I became a couple are his friends,
too. Where will their loyalties lie? I am no one while he is a superstar.
Knowing that made me feel more insecure.
Yongbae is
Jiyong’s oldest friend. They grew up together.
They are brothers from different mothers. I met them both freshman in
high school when me and my parents moved to Seoul from Busan. The three of us
all became close and Bae even confessed to me when we were in our sophomore
year but I rejected his feelings. I was crazy for our sunbae Jaejong back then.
Not long
after in Junior year, Jiyong started pursuing me. I know it hurt Youngbae and I
don’t know how they talked it out between them but Youngbae gave way.
Eventually, Ji made me fall in love with him and Bae became a witness of the
growth of our relationship.
When Ji
was scouted and accepted as a trainee for YG the summer before our Senior year,
Youngbae followed soon after him and trained as a dancer. Where Jiyong goes, he
goes. I know he’s also my friend but he loves Jiyong more. He will always
choose Jiyong over anybody.
“I’m
sorry” I told him. “I didn’t mean to misplace my anger on you. I’m just not
ready for any company yet. I still need time for myself.”
“I’m
sorry, too. I’m just – we’re all worried about you. I just wanted to see if
you’re …” He let out a frustrated sigh and kept running his fingers on his
Mohawk cut hair. “Clearly you’re not okay … still … I hope that you will be
soon. I’m sorry if I couldn’t protect you from this …”
I held his
arm to stop him. I don’t want him to blame himself. “Thank you” I simply said.
“I know you’re a friend and I really appreciate it. Don’t worry. You know me …
I … I can survive this.” Its false courage but he needed to hear it.
“Of course you will.” Bae’s smile came back.
“YG wants me to tell you that you can take all the time you want but he’s not
going to accept your resignation.”
I pursed
my lips in a grim line but said nothing. I punched in the codes and opened the
door. Bae knows that I’m stubborn so he didn’t ask to come in. “I’ll see you
when I’m ready.”
He pulled
me in for a fierce hug before I get inside. “If it’s any consolation, I think I
broke his nose when I punched him” he whispered.
I looked
at him incredulously. Bae has always been a non-violent guy.
I chuckled
and gave him a brief kiss on the cheek. “You’re a nice guy, Bae. Why didn’t I
fall in love with you instead?”
I meant it
as a joke but a flare of sadness passed Youngbae’s eyes and I regretted saying
the jest. We both know that if Jiyong showed up today instead of him, I would
gladly welcome him with open arms.
I know. I’m
a fool.
And I’m
afraid that I’ll forever be one.
******************************
It’s
almost two months since he left. Days bleed into weeks and then to months.
Memories of him keep coming unbidden and I unravel each time. Last week, I made
the mistake of searching for his name online. This is how I used to monitor all
the news about him.
Various
photographs of him and her popped up on my screen. Netizens are talking about a
dating scandal. They’ve always taken photos together but this time, the ones
taken by the paparazzi are more intimate.
Were they
planning to date in public? It seems they’re casual about revealing everything.
I remember
those years of hiding ours and a wave of pain rips through me again.
How many
times can a heart break before it becomes numb?
We hid our
real relationship for 7 years from the public. I endured so much for him. I
didn’t want to be a burden to his dreams and didn’t I even encourage the
rumours of me and Youngbae dating when some overzealous fans began to suspect
and caught Jiyong leaving my apartment?
I
willingly faded in the shadows so he can shine and be the brightest that he can
be.
Now, I
just wanna fade away.
But I won’t.
I don’t
plan on hiding in the four corners of this apartment anymore.
I know he’s
not coming back. And right now, I honestly don’t think that I’d want him back.
But still … the pain remains inside my heart and I know deep inside, that I
still love him.
But he
doesn’t deserve my love. I gave him the best of me and what did I get in
return?
Maybe I
was too good for him.
♪♫
Even when everyone said you are a bad boy
I liked you for being real
It felt right
But they were right
From the moment we first met
I got used to your indifference
And it’s so wrong
It’s been so long
Can you feel the heart pounding feeling that you longed for
From the girl who is in your eyes right now?
That beautiful girl
Won’t have any tears for you
She won’t even wait for you like this
Why do good girls like bad boys?
Why do bad boys like bad girls?
That’s why I love you
But why don’t you know my heart?
Cuz I’m so good to you yeah
You love her but her kiss is a lie
Cuz I’m so good to you yeah
you kiss her but your love is a lie
Cuz I’m so good to you yeah
You love her but her kiss is a lie
Cuz I’m so good to you yeah
Can you say the words from when you first confessed to me
To her, who is smiling in front of you right now?
The girl who has you
Won’t have any foolish tears
She won’t even have this longing for you
Why do good girls like bad boys?
Why do bad boys like bad girls?
That’s why I love you
But why don’t you know my heart?
Cuz I’m so good to you yeah
You love her but her kiss is a lie
Cuz I’m so good to you yeah
you kiss her but your love is a lie
Cuz I’m so good to you yeah
You love her but her kiss is a lie
Cuz I’m so good to you yeah
I believed it when you said you loved me
I wanted to believe that you were different from other guys
Like a fool, I gave you my heart
Because of you I’m
Locked in a deep sadness
Swallowing my tears alone
Did it have to be me?
Why did you do that?
Was it a sin to love you?
Why am I the only one hurting?
You sweetly melted me
You lightly deceived me
You hotly drenched me
You coldly left me
Cuz I was good to you
I just can’t cut you out
Maybe I was too good for you
It’s no use being good ♪♫
******************************
A/N:
Please allow Dara to embrace her grief.
Those who have had their heart truly broken can
relate to this, I’m sure.
Song for the day is 2NE1’s Good to You => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWaoBdB3AQA
If you have comments, suggestions or violent
reactions, feel free to state your case below.
*bisous*
~mzbookworm4life
No comments:
Post a Comment